This was really good!!I loved the Neji part. I hope you will write more.I would really like to read about Shikamaru.Thank you!

The concept is wonderful and executed to a tee. I am in awe of your Hinata. The idea, the descriptions are wonderfully vivid but give room for the reader to step back and fill in the blanks for themselves with a morbid terror far worse than words could describe.

Wow. Just... wow.

Just a little nitpick:

"Later, Hinata wont remember much of that night."

"wont" should be "won't"

I love how you portrayed Neji in this. In particular, I enjoyed his vunerability and confusiong in not knowing what to do next as well as Neji's thoughts (however short) on Gai.

Wouch Cruton. Painful, man!!

little more like Naruto then even she knows eh? Don't touch the people she cares about or you are in a world of hurt.

They would have been Kumo-nin though, lightning is the country Clowd is the village in lightning.