depressing but well written

OMG! those two drive me insane i tell you, INSANE!! just make up
already and be friends again damit...geeze come on!! loved your
story by the way very well writen and in character with lots of
emotional goodness inbetween:D

Lovely piece--I enjoyed it quite a bit. The physical and emotional rift between the two is portrayed well, and the story felt for the most part smooth and unforced (a tough task for a short one-shot). Your imagery is good, and I like how you tell us what's going on through physical reactions and dialogue rather than plain narrative. You're certainly talented ^_^

Constructive criticism? I did feel that the drama in the beginning may have been too heavy--it makes the whole piece seem glum and hopeless, and hope is the one thing which I always admire Naruto for having. The dark mood fits better in the middle and at the end, when Naruto finds Sasuke and when the piece switches briefly to Sasuke's (Mr. Gloomy himself) point of view. Just a thought!

Secondly and lastly, the series of quotes after Naruto falls asleep also got a bit long... I think trimming those down and just keeping a key few would convey your meaning just as well and feel less tedious. Again, just my two cents' worth.

Those little points aside (and they are very subjective, I know!), I don't have much to critique! Judging by this piece, I'd say you're an insightful and well-practiced author. Keep up the good work ^_^

p.s. You might also check how quickly bodies begin to rot--an hour might not be enough to create an odor. Maybe you could use burnt flesh from the chidori wound as the tell-tale stink instead? And again, great work. I'd love to see that photo!

now where do i know that quote in you A/N from?
isn't it fromthe first theme song?
Btw the is brillent

Saa, what a great story... it seems a tad bit sad but it's just great! Naruto would never give up on Sasuke! Be it brother or lover or just best friend, hehe. Naruto's so kool. ^^ Good Job! I don't think I have any criticism to give. But I'd like to kno right quick, did Sasuke hit Naruto with the Chidori? In the story I mean, when Naruto fell into the water.

Awesome, Jade. Why does this not have more reviews? Jeeze, its brilliant, a great shot. Everything flowed smoothly. Like it could be in an actual episode.

Wow... There's no words to explain this. What you should do...Is kinda make this from a one shot to a chapter. I never have time to update mine, or I'd ask permission and do it myself. There are so many things that can be done with this. ^^; (getting a few idea's already) But I'll forget them sooner or later...>.>

Anyway, do keep up the good writing!

(I have not seen or read Naruto. At all. So this review is largely pointless but... indulge me, 'kay?)

*glomp/huggle/cling* Goddess it's been ages! (all right, not ages, but a while. Certainly not ages since you posted the last chapter to Slipping, which I still need to read because the link didn't work... but it's still bee a while. Hmm. Yes.)

So it's twenty to one in the morning. It's half term, but I have to go to college early tomorrow, because my teachers are evil slave-drivers. But I don't care. Good fiction is worth staying up for.

Even though I have no experience with Naruto whatsoever. But this has given me a reason to go and get the Naruto manga from my college library tomorrow... if it's open.

Y'know, this review really was pointless. I am VERY sorry for wasting your time, but here's what I really meant to say.

'WOW! I loved this even though I DON'T know the characters at all! Brilliant job... UPDATE MORE OFTEN, DAMN IT!'

^^U Okay, I'm done now... sorry!

/randomness and crazination