WHERE THE HELL IS THE NEXT CHAPTER? i really liked it

Hey girl! Ya updated, about time. What's it been, a year! No jokes, takes you one long time to update. Ah, I'm just kidin' you (no, not really. I mean, seriously, ONE YEAR!)

great chapter. the date between Rai and Li, filled with cuteness. Hope Jake doesn't hurt rai... too much (ha, that's evil)

Please update soon! (and when I say soon I don't mean in a year!)

dragon of spirits

This is a good story!Please update!

Good story when are you going to do more based on xiaolin showdown?

Wowie! You right really good story wories! keep up the good work and I might give you a cookie .

did I read this part already?

anywho, I love how you mentioned me in Dead Monroe's Chest...YAY!

But you need to update that one...here is my #: 301-593-2335

CALL ME!

oh, and, WEONLYHAVE9MOREWEEKSOFSCHOOL!

try to read THAT

Hello! I got started on your story like I promised, though I sorta have to get to my homework, so I only read two chapter's worth.

Ok, the review for ch. 1-2:

Through these chapters it's easy to see that you've got a good grasp on the english language, and I didn't spot any spelling errors (except for the slang, but those don't really count...) and that's rather rare. I like how you're developing Ahn-Li, too. at first, I was thinking 'she's sorta like Clay' like how she talks and that she's from America, has a heavy accent, wears a hat, ect. But I can see you're changing her personality nicely, and it's growing beautifully. Another good point is that I see how you make the talk between the characters pretty realistic, if a little abrupt.

The main problem, I think, is the abruptness. Ahn-Li takes things WAY too easily in these chapters. In the beginning, when Master Fung explains things, he doesn't even mention fighting evil or what, exactly, being a Xiaolin Warrior entails. even so, immidiately after, the family jumps up and starts agreeing to this proposition and being happy about it. Moving to another country is a pretty big change, too big to decide in a moment's notice, and far too big to set up in less than an hour. keep time limits in mind.

Also, Abruptness comes up a lot in the dialogue and the states of mind as well. Often, like in the first chapter, you would go from thought to dream to reality in one blow, no separation. it was vastly confusing. Dialogue is abrupt in the manner that the conversation changes so quickly. Ahn-Li seems to know what everyone's talking about and gets done with a single conversation pretty fast, which isn't really normal for someone who's just starting out on something as big as 'saving the world'. even Jermaine had problems adjusting to the newness of the Xiaolin World.

You mentioned to me that you were having some problems with this story and needed inspiration. I can't get through this all in one sitting (at least, not on a school night,) so until I finish with all the chapters, I can't really give you any ideas, really. all I can advise is to first, go back to these first two chapters and remodel them so they're more fluent. I know you can be more fluent; I sneek peeked at the third chapter and found it extremely different from this one, so you're improving. But the story's first chapters are what draws in a reader and keeps them hooked, so it's a good idea to make them the best they can be. Maybe, if you do that, it'll give me time to read the rest of this story.

That's all I've got so far, so I'll come back later to finish this story.

'till later readings!

avearia

Okay so I just skimmed this story but I only wanted to know about your oc.

Awsome story! Luv how u brought Jake Long into it!And i seriously can't wait fo the date w/ Rai and Anh-Li! This is gonna be awsome to read! Update soon cuz i wanna read the next ch!

dragon of spirits

O! Ill read more when I can, promise. Ur a realy great writer, and Im enjoying ur fic so far!

I hope for more!. O and by the way Ill have the third chapter of mine up soon _. I hope ull like it, Im thinkin of makin the chapters a bit longer...

Still keep writing,keep reading and keep reveiwing!

continue continue continue please!

OMG! I freakin love this story! HA! I TOTALLY knew Ahn-Li and Rai were gonna hook up! But ya. I can't wait till u write more! Oh, and uh...u could use a little more detail to. Just sayin'. The story still rocks!

Hey ! are you asian cause Nguyen is my cousin's last name! any way sorry! Know that's weird. Grat Chapt

I know exactly how you feel. But I just get writers block during the summer. And every one is hogging our computer so it's really hard to upload new chappies.

yay! american dragon 0

i love this story. its so cool...