I didn't read it. Not all of it, anyway, for several reasons.

1) What's up with the bold itallics?! I suggest you just write normally for your next story.

2) The sex scenes were a little... off. I'm no master of the sex scenes, and I don't pretend to be, but yours were just lacking in something.

3) Some of your grammar was rather awful. Oh, and speech is put in quotation marks, not apostrophes.

Have another go, I'm sure your next attempt will be great.

aaw! this was just so cute and fluffy! i loved it!

very good start of story!

All right. This is going to be very harsh, but when submitting a review, at the bottom of the page "A well rounded critique is often the most rewarding tool."

And that is what I am going to give:

I did not like the story.
The most important thing: Bolding. Don't bold your writings; it's very, very hard to read, especially in large amounts of text. Your update was fine, nice and short. But don't bold your stories.
Secondly, when people say things, they are put in "quotations," not apostrohpies.

^ That's about it for conventions.

Now we get onto the real part. Mary Sues.
Nicolas? Skye and Star? Possibly the thing I hate most is Mary and Gary Sues and Stus. Draco did not have a brother, a twin brother no less.

Now, there was no mention of Skye and Star, but I'm guessing that in this story, they are friends with either Harry and his posse, or Draco and his. No doubt, one of those characters is PROBABLY based off of you. Word to the wise: Don't put yourself in there, unless is's a cameo part.
"I want to have sex with you."
"um. . okay. sex-sex new scene."
It doesn't work like that in real life, either.

Okay, Harry is powerful enough. He CANNOT apparate throughout the building. If Dumbledore can't, neither can he. He was not a straight O student. We see in the book that he does not master apparation in a flash. He is powerful enough, don't Gary Stu him.

I noticed that only about one or two of the paragraphs were sex. I'm not even sure if ratings of "R" are approved for it. If you want to rate smut, you might want to go to I think you should just double check the rules so you don't get banned. No, I'm not going to report you.

Back to the sex: If this is a sex story, there SHOULD be more sex. I know that sounds weird, but it is for the plot. There should be more then "suck suck, PUSH." to it. Elaborate more, use creativity.

To sum up this review:
Stay away from Gary Stus. Don't put yourself in the story.
Don't make characters more powerful then they are.
Don't bold.
Use grammar. Always.
Take it slowly. Stories are all about content. Make it realistic for the two enemies.

--

And if you say "I'll write what I want!" please warn readers at the beginning that your story WILL be out of character, or alternate universe.

- Suzanne

I like it but should be more sexie

and i agqain please, please, please get rid of the italics and bold face i really isn't needed. this sentence is kinda confussing to me though "All of them were extremely attractive and the evil in the eyes of Draco and Nicolas, Artemis, and Blaise was very sexy." other then that its a good story. keep up the good work...Fuzzy~2007

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha...your so corny..hahahaha..but I cant'help but like your one shot, it was sweet and innocent..haha corny too..anyway I loved it.

What a masterpeice!

So Hawt!! ^_^

aw sweet. thnx fo writing!^^

man, i read the summary, and i started laughing...go you!