   telekinetics95
2009-06-20 . chapter 4OMG, YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT OFF LIKE THAT!
Please oh please update. Come on, one more excellent chapter!
(You're so talented, great with the pace and everything, of course you don't have to break a sweat, right? xD)
PLEASE UPDATE. Before I die. xD (Please, oh please. Oh! And I love Draco Malfoy...even more. Especially during the Blaise and Slytherines scene. Omg, -nosebleed-)
xD |
 SlytherinsBeloved
2007-07-21 . chapter 4You're driving me insane with this story, and that's seriously the highest praise I can give. I don't think there are words that can describe how well your story works, how perfectly In-Character your characters are, and how good you are at keeping it un-sappy/fluffy. A Dramione fic is not supposed to be fluffy; they simply do not have the personality for acting like everyday is valentine's day(Though I doubt they would treat that day any different than any other day). You keep it clean, cool and raw.
I cannot express how grateful I am that you haven't turned Hermione into a goddess/supermodel/** or Draco into a sweet sexy hero. It is a common "mistake" among fan-fic writers - they make the characters too perfect, too out-of-character to be believed. Hermione is a bossy bookworm and Draco is an arrogant spoiled brat, and that's how they are supposed to act. I'm not saying that they can't be atractive - in their own way.
I never imagined Hermione as sexy or even beautiful, so I think it's great that you don't describe her in any way except from Draco's POV which makes her pretty much only hair. You don't even fleeingly mention that she is pretty, only - lovely. It makes sense, a person who isn't even pretty can still have some sort of charm to him/her, that could be the way they smile or the way they walk/stand, whatever. What is even greater is that Draco isn't atracted by her looks from the start off, but rather that, after spending time with her, realise that she Is lovely, in her own twisted way.
Other writers tend to let Hermione pay less time to school and homework, and more to thinking about boys/sex, which is very un-hermione-like. So the fact that you let her spend hours in the library and be disgusted by a ball invitation is just perfect. That she also starts to feel that The Golden Trio is falling apart, is one of the many details that make the story so very believeable. And she seeks comfort at Hagrid's again which is great! just like third year *sigh*. She is hurt. She is lonely. Only one person seems to care about her. Ta-dah!:)
And Draco: what can I say? he is arrogant, spoiled and perfectly Malfoy-like. I am actually delighted that you let him reduce Hermione to tears, that would be very like him. That you let him take interest in Hermione by daring himself and not by some weird coinsidence where he falls in love with her over summer or some other silly thing, makes a world to difference. By daring himself to take Hermione to the ball to prove to everybody that he can take whatever girl he wants, and that he is better than Blaise just works effectively well. He should be driven by his cunningness, by his Want to prove himself to be greater than everybody else, not by some sudden mad secret crush.
I have to say, this is one of the few HP fan-fics I've read that pictures Draco and Hermione as they ARE. I've read countless, but I guess this is one of two that keeps them perfectly IC.
I guess a bit critique never hurts.
What puzzled me a bit was Morgana. I can't really figure out what her part in the story is - is she gonna play a part later? did Draco like her at the beginning and why? and what is she suddenly doing with Blaise? maybe it sounds stupid, but I just thought I'd tell you cos it seems like she's there for nothing really. You have a few grammar spells, but nothing serious, and nothing that disturbs the story.
Finally, I think you should post this fic on Fanfiction. cos it deserves the credit it would get if it was more known, and being a user of MNFF for a long time, I know that the readers would be delighted to read something like this, because it's believeable and not over-dramatic(it's sadly very tiring to read about Draco fighting deatheaters and defeating Voldemort for Hermione's sake), and it is really really excellent written. I can see on your author profile that you mostly write manga/anime fan fics, but you seem to know a great deal about Harry Potter too. So if you do not already have a profile on mugglenet, I really recomend getting one, and I'd be honoured to beta this story if you should decide to post it somewhere else! I don't hope this review was too long and too boring, but it is one of the best fics I've ever read, and I just thought I'd let you know!
Thanks so much for this fic and keep up the good work! |
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