i guess this story is dead but i love it. i do hope you might decide to continue

nice. good stuff

i loved the interactions between sheba and shammie. :P i was surprised to discover aletha there. how after a thousand years does faris look like a thirty year old. shouldn't they all be dead?

oh.

alex you are a fool. you left way too many openings`with that one statement

fantastic, as always. Aleos' tension with his companions did seem a little misplaced, but i'm glad that Aquina was there to give him a much needed reality check.

i am quite ecstatic to see that you finally decided to involve Saturos and Menardi in the story, considering Cinead saved them in, i believe, the first or second chapter of Fivefold Star, so i'm delighted that you've decided to throw in that aspect.

(and by the way, i think i may have you beaten for longest update. i also got sidetracked by working on my own stuff and have not updated in forever)

*Yawn*

I'm awake, really I am...

Yay! You're back with another chapter after about one and a half years! o_O Saturos and Menardi are being worked back into the plot, I hope a resurrection cometh! I'm awfully tired right now, since I just finished an eight hour shift of work, so you might want to ignore this, but the planetary variations of "Oh my God!" and the like are beginning to make this read like a bad Sailor Moon Fanfic.
Perhaps I'm a bit grumpy right now, I realize that it works with the plot, and that true to earth phrases should never be used in an A/U, but still, like bad Sailor Moon. Ugh!

I suppose that you are getting back into the swing of writing, was this chapter rushed? It didn't seem rushed, it was just shorter than usual. Good Luck with future updates, I'll be here to review... when I'm awake. It still Bothers me that you have 35 reviews for such a long, well written story... Damn small GS fanbase!

Now I have to go call my nerdy friend and tell him you're Still Alive!

I liked the part where stuff happened and the one person said that thing about the things.

The last bit with Saturos and Menardi was pretty cool, I thought. I like how you slowly alluded to where they were before a final confirmation at the end of the chapter.

Fivefold Star was quite ingenious, and written very well. This sequel's been great so far. However, you say that you will update this story based on reviews. Since, by my personal experience, reviews come rarely, I hope that you won't take forever for another update...

...On the other hand: "‘Oh, so you want to play? Smiley face.’"

Belhold, the big bad villian, who is about as threatening as his attempts at intimidation!

...Love your fillers: love your story. Every thing else seems good, but like I said before; let the fivefold rub it in a little about who they really were.

"Eight on one and you still needed summons, be'yotch!"





But so far the story works well, just watch those plot progression gaps.

Great story so far. I really enjoyed Fivefold, but it's completed, so I wanted to comment here... You certainly have done a good job with being creative, filling in many questions about character and boss backgrounds. You have created a cohesive new world which embraces Camelot's story and expands the plot into new plateaus of organization. I only have one thing to offer for improvement and one thing to complain about.

First, I think you could do more work on battle narrative, they seem to have the right amount of dialogue, but Psynergy attacks and healing seem to be cast sparsely, with too much emphasis on weapon tactics. Also your protagonists usually seem to run from strong enemies (i.e. bosses)... That retreat tactic seems to conflict with the game's hero premise of Weyard’s well being over personal safety. ...How at every lighthouse the game protagonists have been willing to fight to the death, but current battles seem short lived and put in the story as an afterthought. I think adding times that your protagonists are downed and revived will help improve realistic between the game atmosphere and your characters. I think that you might be too focused on your overall plot to spend extra time on little things like battles, but with a little more extrapolation, they will make for good fillers that help to create a longer story with a more pleasurable integration for your reader base…

My one complaint: You never mentioned the history of Crossbone Isle or Deadbeard in Fivefold. It’s almost too late now, but I would be ecstatic if you could come up with a way to fit that in the plot.

Afterthought: Antagonist dialogue and demographic is humorous, keep it up, but possibly spend more time with that PoV.


Cohesion with original concept: 10 / 10
Characterization: 8.5 / 10
Geography: 7.5 / 10
Battles: 6 / 10
Protagonists: 9 / 10
Antagonists: 7.5 / 10
Plot: 10 / 10

Total: 9.5 / 10


Keep up the great work Dantaron,
~The Traveler

Woohoo! Chapter 4! I love how everyone seems rather in character, and you have dialogue at all the appropriate places. Hope you'll get the next chapter up soon! Good job ;)

I like this. The conversations between everyone are fun, and I like how Jenna and Sheba are pestering Felix into dancing... or trying to. I also like the conversation with Felix and Jenna and Jenna picking the dress he didn't want her to. Amusing. Ok, reviewing long chapters isn't really something I do often, so I must sound confusing... anyway, can't wait to see more!

I randomly decided to check on this fic, and hurray! It's updated! I'm enjoying everything so far and really looking forward to the next installment. I loved the descriptions of the party scene and everyone's outfits, just because they were so detailed and fit in with their personalities.

Beautiful as ever. I LOVED the part about Piers and Dora as well as the evil message. Very nice to read. Please update ASAP!