   Fate's Princess 2006-06-10 . chapter 1You know what? You’re writing skills are not bad at all. In fact you’re pretty good at it so far. I do love all of the description that you used in this chapter, like the one of their thoughts and etc. It would be nice to take that to the next level though. See, when writing.. don’t think about it. Just put down the first thing that comes to your mind and go from there. ..Like, you could have started out by describing the darkness of the night, and how they were all alone on this tree surrounded by it.. etc. Some people like to plan out every little thing that’s suppose to happen, and honestly I just don’t know how they can. Because I swear, every single chapter I ever wrote for my story was just made up 5 sec. before I began to write it..lol I just wrote down all I had in mind that day. Let music set the tone for my stories, and just wish for the best.
There’s nothing I love more than fan fictions where characters internally battle with themselves.. its just the funniest thing.. XD... so keep that part going like you did here.
One very important thing that you should watch out for is grammar. I myself... hate it with a passion, which is why I use a program the corrects mine as I write. The title of your story.. “Love of there life” ... not a bad title, you just used the wrong form of there. It should be “their”. Trust me.. this little thing took me forever to learn >.< . There is used to describe a place.. Like... “Inuyasha fell over there.” While their is used to describe things between people, or things they own.. like.. “Its their love.”
Your first sentence “Kagome and Inuyasha where sitting in a tree gazing at the stars.” ... after there and their comes where and were...lol.. Two more confusing little things >.< . In your example the correct usage would be “were” since its something they are doing. Were would be used for an action like “Jimmy and Billy were going to jump off the cliff.” And then “where” is used for locations.. like “Kagome!! Where’s the remote?!”
pretty simple once you get it ^_^
One big thing I did notice though, and someone else already reviewed on.. I don’t know where the story is going. Usually some stories have prologues.. I think those are things that happen before the story or lead to it.. I don’t even know myself since im new at this lol.. Point is.. they set the mood for it.. or present a problem. There’s nothing in that first chapter that would really stick out to people and make them all the more curious to read the story. Supposedly stories are suppose to start out with an incident, then you have your characters try to solve the problem but on the way there they have complications, then comes the high point of the story where everything gets exciting, climax, and finally little things leading to the end. Of course then there’s all sorts of things you could add in-between all of those sections like sub-plots dealing with different character problems.. Etc.. That’s basically what a show like Inuyasha is about. In some episodes they are striving to solve their problem of the jewels and Naraku. In others though, tons of new characters are presented each having a different story behind them. I know that in this first chapter, they question whether one loves the other, but that’s usually more like a situation instead of a problem.
Anyways, just keep writing with your emotions and not head (as weird as that sounds lol) and im sure you’ll just get better with every oncoming chapter. That’s why you should continue even if you’re told not to. Improvement is what’s most important at this point. I wish you the best of luck with the fic ^_^ and of course I’ll continue to review. |
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