It was like reading poetry. Very descriptive. Well done.

great one, i enjoyed it.

That is great!

Dear Lil'slugger,

Good job. This was an amazing oneshot great job I cried it takes something in a story to make me cry. Great job keep up the hard work.

nice one-shot. Loved it! It was very poignant.

That's so sweet. Angsty, yes, and melodramatic... but sweet.

Criticism: Your style seems a little forced, as though you're trying to write in a different way than the words are lining up in your head. It's perfectly acceptable to re-use a description of something - in fact, that could help the continuity. There are only so many ways to say 'But he couldn't stop crying.' Your details are all stated as soon as possible, but the way they're said seems like you just want people to see it.

But that's just me. Hmm, this is the most advice I've ever given in a review...

Keep writing, there's always room for improvement!