Interesting way to have a baby. So no xenophillia like I was expecting XD.

I can see where this is considered rush because as suddenly as it's realized Father/Daughter relationship... she vanishes. I can't help but feel left hanging because of the lack of no common ground, no reconciliation are acceptance there can't be none. The part that Max calls Eloi a mistake makes me arch an eyebrow. Is she a mistake because she exists or is it he blames himself for failing her for not being there as the mistake?

I can feel Max's pain knowing now realizing he had a little girl that he wasn't there for. Interesting thing here is if Max ever wanted a little girl, he's got one now... if she's not out to kill him. o.o How does the internal battle go? I guess I'll have to find your sequel. XD

Good Luck and Happy Writing
-K.M.

missile happy communist party -- That made me smile. I'm such a Cold War buff that I appreciated that.

I like your description of Max, how manly he looks but under that he seems so... boyish. I adore his puppy dog love for Evelyn as well as how when a pretty girl touches his face, he blushes. This really fits him so well.

To be honest, the editing of his swearing kind of distracts and annoys me. D: I don't mind reading cuss words, they work wonderful with the kind of stress Max must be feeling at the moment.

Max was at the end of his rope. One more vague answer and he would blow her head off. -- I loved that line too!!

So it turns out the Eloi is the daughter of a wild night between Weena and Max. I love how you wrote this, that he was crushing but not in a relationship with Evelyn at the time that it happened. You didn't make him cheat or otherwise do something I don't see is in his character to do. Because she exisited first, I can see why Eloi would not be ready to accept the human family Max has and loves. You so rock!!

Good Luck and Happy Writing
-K.M.

I like your portrayal of Max, you have such respect for the character and it definately shows in this. It's nice how you mention Ben and Gwen, like it happens in the show just the wonderful part of this story is that unlike the show, when the spotlight trails after one of the grandkids, you stick to Max. :D

Eloi Poe fascinates me. The fact that Max had deja vu from her, the fact that she's so pale. There is so much from Max's past I wonder where this wild oat sprouts from. Also, why would she call the family he's with fake. o.o Interesting stuff here.

Good Luck and Happy Writing
-K.M.

Yeah, I've never been very detail oreiented. I jst soon get to the point of something, but since that would be boring in a story, I tried my hardest.

It really helped that I had my mojo going when I wrote this one.

Carpe Noctem~

That was quite the intriguing story actually, I found it rather moving.

I hope that I get to see more on this prett interesting character of yours.

Hm... I don't think you should have used so many swears... And you definitely could have stretched it out more, made it more of a mystery. It was kinda rushed. But it's still cool!

Cool. A bit rushed, but cool.

Get a disclaimer before the site takes your fanfic. off!

...I like your fanfic.(by the way)