Reviews for The Sohmas' Invasion Of Hogwarts

Reviews For: The Sohmas' Invasion Of Hogwarts - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Raye1084 2008-05-17 ch 2,	abuseHAHAHA!! That is an AWESOME story, it's really funny! XD I've never even READ a Fruits Basket/Harry Potter crossover! Oh, psst- “Then say it. Don’t stand their like an idiot!” 'their' should be 'there'. I'd just like to point that out... I don't want to sound like a grammar patrol freak. >__>
TifaLockheart123 2007-08-20 ch 2,	abuseomg this is good! continue please!
Bashful Jane 2007-07-27 ch 2,	abuseDwah! It's been a year, are you continuing?
Trinix216 2006-11-12 ch 1,	abuseplease update
Pumpkinjuice01 2006-09-29 ch 2,	abuseokay this is just going to be really short because a lot of what I had to say was said in my last review (so you may want to read that one first) Flow: A bit more discription here: good Still moving strictly by dialect: bad Characters are in character: good Grammer: Everything was in correct tense: good Quoations and commas added where they did not belong: bad Commas added after or before someone's name in their dialect: good Spelling: anyways is not a word: bad okay bye
Pumpkinjuice01 2006-09-29 ch 1,	abuseHey sorry I know I got a pm from your friend orange light (I think that was the name) in like July but whenever I went to search for your name either the search engine was down, the site was under repairs, or I just couldn’t log in! LoL plus I’ve been super busy. (I know you don’t want to hear about that). Actually I got your friend’s pm and found it an odd request but there are usually so many fanfics on this site that I don’t really know which ones to read, so I guess it did pin point it down for me. So so so…enough about me, of course, let’s get to why we’re really here: your story. Now a cross over, this is a good idea for a cross over, the Sohmas have always had a touch of magic to their stories and now they’re entering the world of Harry Potter. It should be interesting to see how this all turns out. What characters of HP you’ll be keeping and what magical course our sohmas are going to be majoring in. Now, about your writing, it needs work. Sorry , bud. This is where you get to make the decision to become an author, you can either stop reading and think I’m a bitch for saying what I’m about to say or you look at what I say and use it to improve your writing. Okay? So let’s begin, you’re doing something that I remember my teachers bitching about, in ur first paragraph. You’re switching from past and present too much. let’s just take the first two sentences: It was raining harshly that day [this is good, shows the past and once I read the bottom I realized that we were doing a flashback thing: good]. The Sohmas were lost in England. [were! NOT a good choice for describing the past. Better word choice: “The Sohmas had been in England and had found them selves lost.” ] Okay, well you can understand what I’m saying, I’m sure. Since it was a past even you should have kept it there, in the past. How your story moved along was strictly by dialogue. This is a very bad habit to get into, like I’m only now getting out of it. You want to describe everything that’s happening, otherwise it becomes confusing. Now don’t get me wrong, your dialogue was perfect! Totally kept to the real tune of the characters, but as I said there was too much of it…well actually not nessicarily too much just you have to balance it with enough description. Like that part with shigure poking Ritsu, I was like, “WTF? Why is he poking him. OH he fainted? How? Why? It was Shigure’s fault? Huh?” So you understand why I feel you having one or two sentences there describing WHY he had fainted would be essential. Not only that but it can be really fun for you! Like make him faint totally dramatically and into a tree or pile of mud, you know. Have fun with this! Some other things I just wanted to mention, well I guess more ask….see if it had been described than I’d probably have no questions. Hatori knowing it was a protection spell and nobody questioning him. Like here you can have fun again too, like Hatori knew because of the burden he’s carried with the sohma curse or something like that. Or maybe they have tight ties to Dumbledoor, after all he didn’t ask any questions about them nor was he too quiet about Hogwarts with them. Like does he give them a look up and down then decides to trust them? Or again do they have like deep ties together? I don’t know these answers of course, that’s only you who does. However we could know the answers if you gave them to us. You are the creator of this story and your going to have to take the responsibility for it. So that’s it, just add more descriptions and keep them in character, as you’ve already been doing, and watch out for your tenses….wow look how long it took me to just say that! A freaking page! Dang sorry about that….if you even read it. Keep it up though, I don’t want you to feel discouraged or anything ^^ bye
Serinity's angel 2006-08-24 ch 2,	abuseNice, story please update. anyways, keep writing, 'kay! ^_^
Dazed Dreamer 2006-07-29 ch 2,	abuseLike it. What years are they all going into? Of course they can't all go into the same years since they have different ages. Are they going to be like some kinda exchange students or something? Hope you update soon!
darkdranzer 2006-07-22 ch 2,	abusewhy are they all getting the letters at the same time? they're different ages!
Youko Demon 2006-07-17 ch 2,	abuseum... I still like it. Is that okay?
silver moon droplet 2006-07-10 ch 2,	abuseI LOVE THIS THIS IS GREAT THIS AWESOME! u combine my 2 favorite things!
silver moon droplet 2006-07-10 ch 1,	abuseWHAT OMGOD!
MeiLei378 2006-07-08 ch 2,	abuseooh...i like it!! can't wait to see what happens at hoggy hoggy hogwarts!! lol i'm on a sugar hi...meh. ~MeiLei378
The Spastic Wonder 2006-07-06 ch 2,	abuseAssasinedAngel... AWESOME! ^.^ I'm hyped up... had dark chocolate... Anyways, good chap. one thing though... HAGRID'S LETTER HAD NO ACCENT! Even letters he sends have "yer" in stead of "you're"... ^^; Sorry... huge HP fan here... >
GreenWarrior 2006-07-06 ch 2,	abuseAnother great chapter. Great story line and everything.

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