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| FireChildSlytherin5 2008-01-30 ch 8,  | abuseNice fic! Wow. update! |
| MissPixel and Lurbe Flummel 2007-04-08 ch 8, | abuseHa, never liked Vhang, but I'm sad to see him go. Nice beginning - very atmospheric. I also liked the exposition during Devona's moment of angst - the Searing, debris on the innocents and all. Lurbe mentioned your noun agreement, which I think is much improved in this chapter. Only things I noticed were a couple of commas where periods or semicolons would be appropriate. Also, we only whine about the shortness because there needs to be more :) PS - with a single line, you put Klaos perfectly in character. Lurbe will be happy. Or distraught, depending how he feels at the time. |
| MissPixel and Lurbe Flummel 2007-02-25 ch 5, | abuseLurbe. Still good. Wouldn't mind them being longer, but then can't say I set a positive example in that respect. Watch yer punctuation and noun agreement. (Very rare, but still, I am Lurbe and Lurbe is a perfectionist.) (I'd say that should Pai come at you, that Klaos has yer back, but that'd be worse than having Pai coming at you. So I shall just say that if Pixi comes at you, I'm yer man.) |
| TwilightMoon16 2006-12-02 ch 2, | abusea bit short, but liking it, update plz |
| TwilightMoon16 2006-12-02 ch 1, | abuseloving the story so far, keep it up |
| ChristianCrunk 2006-09-28 ch 3, | abuseThese chapters are really short, but other than that nice story |
| ChristianCrunk 2006-09-28 ch 2, | abuseCool very interesting story, confusing me a little, but im easily confused =]. keep writing |
| ChristianCrunk 2006-09-28 ch 1, | abuseNice chapter... |
| MissPixel and Lurbe Flummel 2006-09-24 ch 3, | abuseHey Chaos. Pix here... Cynn would so definitely break a boot and consequently freak out about it. As Lurbe said, your descriptions are great, and I am increasingly becoming a fan of your use of dialogue... "I found a pet!" comes to mind. Little humorous moments seem to be your specialty. Only minor gripe I have is with the scattered spelling errors (rejuvenating, emanate, resurrection) but that's just cause I'm an obsessive vocabulary freak. Good job - we're looking forward to Pai and Klaos's very first guest appearances :-) |
| Nanpakun 2006-08-17 ch 1, | abuseNice stuff! You write good dialogue. Looking for a bit more description though. I'll watch for more from you. |
| MissPixel and Lurbe Flummel 2006-08-14 ch 2, | abuseGood descriptions without being too flowery, and has effective dialogue, although maybe needs some tags in places to identify the speaker (a minor detail). Great insight on elementalists, too. Overall a very good read. (Lurbe) |
| Jasmine Astarte 2006-07-31 ch 1, | abuseI wish every story could have as good a beginning as this one! I am plunged into the setting and intrigued by the characters within a few sentences. Intensely descriptive prose and well developed dialogue make the story easy to follow. Well paced action keeps the story moving forward. Vivid characters, displaying a perfect blend of emotion and irony, make me want to read more...much more! I can't wait for the next chapter! |
| Shadows of Raven 2006-07-18 ch 1, | abuseThis is pretty interesting so far, i got hooked on this game and this story has hooked me now. update soon! ~SoR~ |