 Holyknightsteve 2006-07-19 . chapter 1Review #4! Up, up, and away!
Some of the problems of the past are still present, but I applaud your progress. Again, you have improved yourself. Some, shall we say... chessy text still remains, but eh. Maybe it's just me.
Still don't like the 1st person view (personal preference) but you made it sound much more feasible this time. More in-character and such. I thought characterization was one of your past problems and, while some of that problem still remains, you've improved it considerably. Good for you :) Some of the cheesy/corny stuff aside, this did indeed sound like something Mithos would say.
Not bad... not bad at all. Keep up the good work, and here's hoping you keep improving! |