Reviews for Thirty Kisses - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Thirty Kisses

Lexicon 2007-01-05 ch 1, anon.	abuseAw...again I would have liked to see the writers develop that relationship. Alas they didnt, but at least now we can read about it here. Well done.
wertzy 2006-06-29 ch 3,	abusegood story. sorry about my first review. i think i have a virus and my keyboard screws up sometimes. this story is really good. now i have to go catch up with the rest of it
wertzy 2006-06-27 ch 2,	abuseHI Kendra haha Not bad. short but thats good bc i dont have much time lol.
wertzy 2006-06-27 ch 1,	abusenice. lol se i said i'd. its not too bad.
TrudiRose 2006-06-27 ch 9,	abuseThis is another one that should be written more in Willie's style, IMO. This is beautifully written, but it sounds like BARNABAS to me: "When she smiled it was enough to light up an entire room, her beauty always reeling her company in and entrapping them within her enchanting spell. The dark glistening of her eyes sparkled when she laughed and the faint dimples in her cheeks would appear, never failing to leave him completely breathless." He's the one who thinks in such poetic, formal language.
TrudiRose 2006-06-27 ch 1,	abuseLovely and very poignant! I love the moment of joy in the midst of such despair. Very, very nice. I have a little suggestion, which you can use or not use, your choice. :) It's just a tip someone once gave me that I felt helped my own stories. It's this: when writing from a character's point of view (in this case, Willie's), it's more effective to describe the things he's looking at in words HE would use, even if it's not a direct quote of what he's thinking. For example: you write "his heart pounding fiercely within his bosom due to the intoxicating sensations running through his body at just merely her touch." It's a lovely description, but now imagine it like this: "His heart was pounding like he'd been running 10 miles. Just to have her touch him - it was incredible, better than the best whiskey he'd ever had, better than finally making the big score. It was all his hopes and dreams come true at once. It was heaven." That's just off the top of my head, but you see what I mean? If you write the descriptions in a "Willie-like" way rather than a poetic way with big words (i.e. "intoxicating sensations"), it feels more like it's Willie himself who's seeing/feeling it. It's just an idea someone pointed out to me, and I felt that it made my writing better, so I thought I'd pass it on for whatever it's worth.
Kendra Luehr 2006-06-26 ch 3,	abuseOMG! That was hysterical! =-P Keep writing, keep writing!
Kendra Luehr 2006-06-26 ch 2,	abuse::sniff sniff:: Aww...so sad. =-(
Kendra Luehr 2006-06-26 ch 1,	abuseUh...yeah. Too bad that SO didn't suck! I'm melting, it was so sweet! =-P

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