It's "Es tut mir Leid", not "Es tut ich Leid". Sorry, just a little something I noticed. Don't be harrassed. I'm glad you tried. It's refreshing to see a language I haven't seen in a while. ^_^

Anyways, I really love your characterization. I think it's absolutely perfect on Riff's, Cain's, and Maryweather's part.

I'd like to see where this goes, if you don't mind finishing it. I have hope it to be a Riff x Cain, but I suppose I can live with it if it's not. ^_^

Well done friend! I love how the characters are, well, in character, which is quite rare, especialy for God Child fics. Most people just write things involving Cain wearing a dress, and Riff becoming a passionate lover, both of which I have trouble seeing.
I also really enjoyed the character Miryam, she was quite fun and ful of spite. Over all I look forward to the conclusion of this tale. But I've already told you this at school, so, over all, keep writing Chibi-Sama! XD

Vey good.
Although, where did you get the "In which" from? The style of it seems familiar, but I can't remember what it's from.

*crosses fingers* Okay, hopefully this whole thing will actually go. I've been having a problem with ff net eating my reviews lately ^^;

Hey, not bad ^^ I can tell you had a lot of fun ;) Wow! All of a sudden, there are so many more details! There's more meat to this chapter now, and I think that's one of the changes I like best - also, I think you're getting better at humor. Some of it is, like, Pratchett-esque - "Activity hesitantly reared its head, looked around to make sure they were both gone, then resumed", for instance. One bit I absolutely loved was the introduction of Riff - "Riffuel Raffit was silent. Riffuel Raffit could go into a room, get behind you and yell BOO! but he didn’t want to. Riffuel Raffit knew his last name was funny and sounded like ‘rabbit’. Riffuel Raffit preferred to be known as Riff", etc. Rabbit! n_n Heheheh, he has a new nick-name... The similar way that you introduced Miryam also made me giggle - "To the rest of the world, it was Helena Harper who walked. It was Helena Harper who breathed. It was Helena Harper who held her umbrella like she was going to use it to whack someone at any moment."

Sometimes, though, I think you kind of rambled a little. Like, this whole paragraph probably could have been cut: "There had been many a time where Miryam wanted to slap the girl, and this was one of those occasions. Yet, she had never found the heart to hit her. You just couldn’t help but feel guilty for marring that perfectly shaped, perfectly colored face. She settled for yelling very loudly instead, which was just as bad since it made the poor girl cry her crystalline tears", since it had already been mentioned that Marianna was hiding to avoid being yelled at in the previous paragraph. I don't feel like the line "She whacked herself mentally. Now wasn’t exactly the best time to be thinking about her feet" was really necessary either... Also, there are a few typos still - "it’s hands fumbled hastily" ('it's', short for 'it is', should be 'its'), and the same thing in "it’s light flowed down" and "cover it’s ears and run"; then there's "then decided it was none f other business" ('none f other' should be 'none of her'?) and "and took of her shoe" ('off'), and ":What would you like to do? Would you like to stay here?” (you used a colon instead of a quote mark).

However! *sweats* lawl, I should have put the criticism first... However, I think it's definitely an improvement over the original. You going to rewrite the second chapter too? I shall look forward to it ^^

Argh. Y'know, I really wish I hadn't read this - since I know you're probably not going to continue it T_T True, the writing style itself leaves a bit to be desired, but I've most definitely seen worse. I don't mean to say that it has grammatical errors - I wasn't looking for them, but I don't recall any leaping out and savaging me - I just mean things like "It was just his luck that the newspapers refrained from printing the situation in the newspapers"... or the bit with the teddy bear with something up its nose in chapter one, or "She kept doing it for the next half hour until she pinched herself so hard she let out a yelp," when I distinctly remember you getting on *my* case for having Zaphikel whip out a fan in the middle of a serious moment ^.~ (Though both parts *did* make me giggle, actually...). Cain and Riff seem a little OOC, but then again that may be mostly to blame on the fact that they don't talk the way they do the manga (Riff in particular talks more like how he probably actually would have living back then, the way you write him, heh), and the fact that neither of them have burst into a fit of complete and utter abysm - so in conclusion, there's actually rather a lot to be said for this so-called OOC thing ;) BUT EVEN BETTER. You've got a solid plot going here, it's got my interest, and you've done a truly masterful job creating Miryam - she's spunky, and yet at the same time you take the occasional dig at her ("Luckily for Cain, Miryam wasn’t the sharpest fork in the cupboard," hee), and it's a HUGE bonus that we know she isn't meant to eventually wind up with Cain or Riff ;) Argh, Cain and Riff T_T You didn't even go long enough to get to any nice yaoi-y bits! At least I wrote 11 chapters of Imperfect Sky before I gave up on it! (Though most of them were a lot shorter than these, heh). *And*, I'm planning to revive it one of these days, hinthintwinkwinkpushpush. Hee...

*stares*

*has a ‘Wow, /I/ wrote /that/...?’ moment*

Eh heh heh...

Oh yeah, and I'm alerting this, because I'm naively optimistic and pushy like that ;)

Oh good, you updated! I was starting to worry. You began with such an interesting premise, and you seem to be keeping the characters in, well, character. **grins**

I am enjoying this, and can't wait for your next chapter.

You said that this was only your second fanfic? I'm impressed. Your styles great and the words flow just right. I'm looking forward to the next chapters.

yari

Wow, this is really good, it's so fascinating. I'm delighted to find a fic with good spelling and grammar since sometimes it's not so great to the point that it's irritating. I also like your characters and you did an awesome job with Cain's personality. I hope you continue!