   Adel-chan
2006-06-30 . chapter 1Oh, another multi-chaptered AS fanfiction that is never going to get finished? ;P
It's certainly interesting. I'm curious why nobody notices Raphael's awakening, why Belial now seems to be the leader of hell (I'd always imagined that Asmodeus would be the most likely to want the throne of hell. Then again I don't think that Belial would accept any other man than Lucifer as king/leader...) and who it is that Setsuna is now facing at the door.
I also took the liberty to correct the mistakes you made (I hope you don't mind):
‘Whose body wouldn’t, after ten years of [sleep]?’ ...
... most of his other muscles just [disobeyed] him and [defyed] his authority by stubbornly remaining unmoved.
... He hated the whole [situation]. He hated the fact that he had [chosen] such a lame timing ...
With a painful effort, he finally managed to open his eyelids and [stared] right above, ...
... from where he could [control] the bloody machine ...
... but then again, when did I ever [follow] the true Virtues?’ he bitterly laughed at himself.
... and if she did, Mika-chan had better helped her out and kept an [eye] on things ...
From the looks of it, the hall was dark and [empty] ... ('quite empty' suggests that there's still someone/something there)
... [Complete] silence filled the entire Hell. Most of the strong demons and even [some of] the lower ones had returned to the deepest and darkest of chambers ...
... in order to keep an eye on things and to make sure that an [early] attack wouldn’t occur ...
... At first it [had] felt good and her [headaches] had finally disappeared, but after a while she [had gotten] bored and ended up wanting the madness to return in those obscure places ...
... Her always black and white outfit [consisted] of a very long dark coat, covering almost her entire body, [except for] showing her right leg, up to the place where her beautiful butterfly tattoo was [tattooed] on her pale [thigh] ...
... A sudden noise made her black eyes, surrounded by [her] classic [make-up], to gaze around the [supposedly] emtpy hall ...
... [A] few seconds later a cloacked figure appeared out of the shadows and stopped [a] few metres away from the large [throne] where the Mad Hatter laid in [all of] her glory. When the person [remained] still ...
... She smiled lovingly and jumped into his [open] arms ...
... “Damn!” the man [swore] and groaned. ...
... Who could [it] be at this time? ...
*adds story to Story Alert list* :D |
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