Reviews for She dies in the beginning

Reviews For: She dies in the beginning

Finduilas88 2006-10-07 ch 6,	abuseThis was a very nice look at Anomen's daughter growing up and Anomen as a single dad. (Not something I'd ever envisioned him doing, but I'm not surprised he did a good job!) I particularly liked the contrast between her Amnian upbringing with Anomen and the Maztican influence of her neighbors. I particularly liked the way you ended with Anomen telling an anecdote about Amousca. Just one suggestion: In this section, "Today I surprised one with his hand in the bag, on the path from Xe’kate to here. He had surprised a girl alone at the well when she went to fetch water." although I can figure it out from the context, 'surprised with his hand in the bag' isn't a phrase used in English, and using 'surprised' twice sounds repetitive. How about, "Today I caught one in the act on the path from Xe'kate; he had surprised a girl alone at the well when she went to fetch water." (IMO, the 'to here' isn't necessary, the 'from' implies that.)
Kyubak 2006-10-01 ch 6,	abuseIt was not only well written but also fitting: the names were of their brothers, right (Kyubak, that is obvius :/) and the way that Moire behaved was also a very good, if a bit sad, reaction :) I'm glad you ended your stories about Amousca and Anomen of such a way ;)
Finduilas88 2006-09-23 ch 5,	abuseThis chapter caught me by surprise, for some reason, I thought the last chapter was the end of the story. Although I haven't quite gotten over my discomfort with the idea of producing a baby on Helm's order, I did like the scenes between Amousca and Anomen. I though the first two paragraphs were particularly evocative and well-written. I am also intrigued by the new wrinkle--a baby girl for Anomen to love--and am very much looking forward to what happens next.
Elena maiden of Gondor 2006-09-19 ch 5,	abuseYeah, two more babies to cuddle and huggle with! Congrats to the happy couple. in a Thumper voice So whatya going to call them? I can't wait to see what their names are going to be. Update soon.
Kyubak 2006-09-19 ch 5,	abuseI've been reading your stories for a while and never reviewed :( silly me. It is a very good stuff! And thanks for writing this one, even through you killed of Amousca. And the fact that Anomen still has a daughter is interesting, I wonder, will he take care of her or will he toss her aside for being a memory of his beloved (Not that I want Anomen to ignore his own daughter, but well...). As I tend to say, keep writing!
Finduilas88 2006-08-13 ch 4,	abuseI meant to ask this in the last chapter, but I forgot...I never remember Amousca being a follower of Helm, so the fact that she shows up as one of his servants was a big surprise. Did I just miss the fact that she also prayed to Helm? But for this chapter in general, I must say that I have very mixed feelings about this resolution. On the one hand, it's nice that Anomen and Amousca get to be together after so long. But on the other, I'm afraid I find the idea that Helm would send her to have Anomen get her pregnant and produce this special child to be rather calculating and unromatic. I guess it would have worked better for me if Helm had just given them a chance to be together without the part about producing a baby to order.
Elena maiden of Gondor 2006-08-11 ch 4,	abuseYehaaw! runs around room throwing confeti They are back together again! And she wants another child. Oh my goodness,let me send my father Aragorn over there so she won't die again! Lol. Update soon.
arabellaesque 2006-07-22 ch 3,	abuseOh, I didn't expect that! I've been reading your other stories about Amousca, and I've found them all highly enjoyable but the two current ones you're writing are quite sad to read :( I'm eagerly awaiting updates for both though, as I'm curious as to what fate has in store for each universe :)
Finduilas88 2006-07-21 ch 3,	abuseWow, I think this is one of my favorite chapters of yours! I really loved Amousca return as a planetar, but I thought the first two sections were particularly well written. Very lyrical and evocative, it really gave you a sense of the people of Maztica and Anomen's life with them. I'm very impressed. Just a few minor corrections this time: "Amnish" should be capitalized, names of countries and their peoples always are in English. "full of words cut in half by inspirations." If you mean what I think you mean, 'inspirations' should be 'aspirations'. (Lovely sentence,though) "He was not so old, he found himself hoping in the following weeks" would work better in English as "In the following weeks, he found himself hoping that he was not so old..." At the end, you say Anomen's followers found themselves thinking back to how he had fallen to his knees, then one of them says something very similar. That seems rather repetitious, so perhaps you could say, "all of Anomen’s friends found themselves thinking back on how he had reacted..." to avoid the duplication. Lastly, 'harrowed' has a very negative connotation, so you might want to use 'gathered' or something similar instead. Wonderful, wonderful chapter Amousca! I can't wait until the next one!
Elena maiden of Gondor 2006-07-19 ch 3,	abuseIn the voice of the girl from the movie Poltergiest She's Back! Lol! You brought her back, yippie! Now I'm happy again, update soon.
Finduilas88 2006-07-12 ch 2,	abuse{sniff} Well, I guess that makes it a little better for Anomen, but I agree with him that it's just monstrously unfair that he should lose everyone in his life that he loves. I really liked the conversation with Keldorn, it seemed very natural and heartfelt on both their parts. I also particularly liked the end of that section where he says that had heard the "we're not meant to know these things" line many times and how hollow it sounded now. Very nice touch with the elf bard and the giving up her ring that finally helped him move on. But still very sad, though. You know I'm not doing this to my Anomen! A few corrections: "Keldorn took him apart." Heh. That certainly has a different meaning than you intend here--I think you mean 'aside' instead of 'apart'. "How he had been repeated this", it's not clear whether you're saying he had been told this, or he had repeated it himself. You might want to clarify. "Him and his party", should be 'He'. "there was no applause as the mood was not to lightness after such a song." That's rather awkward phrasing in English. Perhaps "there was no applause; the mood was too dark after such a song." Good story! Poor Anomen. :-(
Elena maiden of Gondor 2006-07-11 ch 2,	abuseOh please update soon, it so sad but so good. Can't wait to read more.
Finduilas88 2006-07-02 ch 1,	abuseGa! That was unbelievably sad! To have this happen to her after all she'd been through. Poor Anomen! To have your wife die in childbirth must be unbearably painful and guilt-inducing. If even one of the babies had survived it might have been a bit easier. There's more, I hope? I'd hate to see Anomen left in broken-hearted limbo like this. Just a few minor suggestions/corrections: For "having fell asleep of exhaustion after a long moment," I'd suggest "after having finally fallen asleep of exhaustion," "He apparently focused quickly again on what had happened" IMO,'apparently' dilutes the impact of what you're saying. I think something like "He immediately remembered what had happened" would work better. "Anomen drifted to the bedroom still in a second state." I'm not sure what you mean by 'a second state'. Bewildered? Emotionless? Detached? Yikes, this made me cry again just reading through it for the comments. I thought this line was particularly good, in a oh-my-god-this-is-sad kind of way: "At some moment, after stopping long minutes to keep the tears in check, he wondered with a curious detachment if he would ever live a single minute without this unbearable pain, even in the distant future."

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