:0 No

Wow, that was truly powerful. It was poetic and beautiful and the words flowed to wonderfully. The way you described the inner turmoil of Artemis's soul in the diary was absolutely fantastic and I wouldn't change a thing in it. If the Orion awards have a category for best Angst fic, I will by all means nominate you.

Aw, that was so sad =( But really nicely written, although I hate the fact that Artemis killed himself. I always thought he was too satisfied with himself.

oh sad...depressing fic...but good. liked it!

BANZAI!
~hollybridgetpeppermint

the orion awards in an awsum site.. it culd keep me occupied for hours if i wanted it too...
i luv ur story of course.. always.. so please dont take this badly.. i hated that tree metaphor. i really did. sorry. it wz so vague and written to tie in w/ the leaf thing.. i liked the beginning of it, but it wz too long. if it wz shorter it wulda been perfect.

besides those evil thots.. i liked the idea of her findng the diary and the way u wrote it. the last entry wz the best..when he's examining himself.. tho the whole thing is sort of sad and depressing.
but its a wonderful oneshot of course.. iv nvr read one where he actually kills himself.. so it was unique. luvd it.

Hello, you.

Here's the deal. You're a good writer, and I'm sure you know it and have had enough praise shoved in your direction to drown the CN Tower (not least from the crimmers). However, your style lacks a certain - how shall we say it? Honesty? Sincerity? In any case, it's overly contrived. Like you're adding in "intelligent" words just to impress. I think a really good writer doesn't need to add in frenchicisms (I may have just made up that word, I'm not sure) and all that. I think a good indicator of whether your writing style is simplistic enough is if you haven't littered it with accents. You might say that Artemis would talk in a contrived manner, but Colfer didn't make him talk that way. Artemis was formal, yes, but didn't feel the need to impress people with his intelligence through the length or obscurity of his words. There are a lot of words thrown into your story that wouldn't mean much to the average gifted adult, let alone the average teenager, which is probably your audience.

Case in point - humoresques, adagios, vivaces, Darjeeling, fermions, bosons (I thought you meant "bosun", as in "boatswain", when I first read this, and had no idea how I could reconcile that with my image of Artemis), mRNA, M theory, Debussy, adagio, Le Conservatorie (more Frenchicisms), nocturne, quarantine, "it reeks of French sentimentalism" (I can think of something else that does), Schubert (that's name-dropping, dude), Unamuno, Rimsky-Korsakoff (oi, oi, how much more?) - oh, that's it for now. Most of this is music jargon, as you can see, and that's all very well for kids just into music in uni who want to look like they know something, but it's no good in this context. I get the feeling you're writing those passages, not to add to the story, but because you find it fun to reel off how you think an uber-genius would sound.

Oi, and I don't know how many times I've pointed this out to fanfic authors (without success), but the plural of "genius" is not "genii", but "geniuses", if you're referring to a person of high intelligence. "Genii" might make you feel all posh-scholar-Latin-freak, but it's not bloody right.

I've got more to say, but I am at present paranoid that a bug flew into my hair and I am going to go scream hysterically and then hide in my room.

I like it. I really do. I'm glad you put it up. Artemis's journals were very in character. Excellent. You did a good job of projecting him. I think you took after Strat in this peice, with the musical elements and all. ;) But don't worry, I appreciate them, because I understand them.

O.R.

Great story! No, Artemis can't have killed himself...

what?! he can't just die that's not right. how'd he die, what happened?!

im a little confused but it was well written. nice angsty.^_^

I don't usually read angst-y fics, but this one was very well written. (sniffle)