Well, I have to say, for one, this is MUCH closer to the comic books than the animated series, at least by what I've seen. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but you might want to move it from cartoons.

Whatever "edits" you have made to this character weren't enough to make her less of a Mary Sue, but I personally don't have a problem with Mary Sues, some people just get sick of them because they're ridiculously clichéd. Anyway, with her bio, you gave some great insight into her past and some things that would contribute to her (I'm guessing) troubled future. How f--ed up does one have to be for her mom to shun her from a pacifist community?! That's some heavy drama, right there! Kudos!

Probably the biggest problem here is that she is, as you and several others stated, too similar to Raven, who's enough to deal with by herself. But, I suppose someone like Dove can't really turn out any differently, considering she's from the same gene pool and all. So, "realistically," you made a character that makes sense, but that doesn't make me or other readers more interested in reading about her. If Dove's someone that can secretly replace Raven by making a few changes to her basic appearance, that's the problem. It takes away from Raven when her sister's around…

…which brings me to my next point: how to improve. The best suggestion I can think of is to have Dove's character accentuate Raven's, not dominate it. True, Dove's her own girl, but you've got to make us see that. We don't want Raven hit with a duplicator beam and have to deal with TWO of them. There has to be big differences between Dove and Raven, not small ones like hair color. For example, Dove would be really different from Raven if Dove was promiscuous, selfish, or a habitual liar. These are traits that Dove, in turn, would have to work on, in the same way Raven has to control the darkness within herself too. They don't have to dominate Dove's character, but it does make her more human and, more importantly, less like Raven.

I can't help you if your goal is to lead a Love-my-Dove-parade. But those suggestions are a sure way to make her interesting, at least for me. It's a bigger step to making her less of a Mary Sue, really, without going all the way back to the start, which you shouldn't have to do.

Very well-written biography, very detailed and thorough. I like how it gives some information on her origin and strengths and weaknesses. In fact, I see a little bit of yourself in this character. Incorporating things about ourselves, people we know, or things that we have experienced, been inspired or affected by, really helps make a story more believable, or a character more real. Something that might be interesting to learn more about might be to see how Dove's empathic abilities affect her when she is in a confrontation or a fight with someone, and if she was unfortunately forced to retaliate and injured someone, would she pick up on the pain of the other person, or the mental anguish they might be experiencing? If so, how does this affect her ability to do what she needs to do in those situations? I haven't read your other pieces yet, but am looking forward to. Great job!

I haven't read the reviews and I doubt I'm the first to point this out, but your character is a ridiculous Mary Sue. At the very least I'm glad you gave her weaknesses, but only the one about being sick often and getting sick at the sight of injury is really that inhibiting. Other things like being afraid of dogs, or roller coasters? Try personality flaws. I didn't see many of those.

Your bio makes it evident that you're a huge Raven fan, not to mention the fact that multiple times you say 'She's EXACTLY like Raven'. She has hardly any originality at all. You took Raven and made her what you thought was cooler and easier to write, the most blatant example being that, she doesn't have to control her emotions to the same extent. Not to mention I see multiple self-insert qualities- her writing of poetry, hrmm?

The number of cliched Mary-Sue qualities in her are overwhelming. I mean, she lands in Japan first and starts to like sushi and Puffi AmiYuri? As if Japan isn't rich in culture and has a lot to attract people MUCH more than food and bad pop bands? Oh and look at that, she speaks multiple languages. And she has a faithful, very unusual pet she carries around everywhere.

And ooh, her powers! She has the powers of every living superhero combined! 'Cause if that doesn't TOTALLY smack of blantant Mary-Sue-ism...you know how the rest of the saying goes.

And finally, she's Raven's HALF-SISTER.

That clinches it. She's terrible, I'm sorry to say. The only genuine flaw in her is her weak stomach, which is original and not a bad point in her character, but that's not even a personality problem! She could work, MAYBE, with a whole lot of fixing up.

She is your wishful version of Raven; hence the fact that the first two paragraphs in the first 'chapter' begin with the phrase 'Dove is exactly like Raven...'

In all honesty, this semi-story probably shouldn't exist. It would have been significantly better to include the 'mysterious backstory' into the actual fic, 'Unforseen Surprises,' instead of revealing every single detail about the character in a random publication.

A good sidenote to keep in mind: telling is never as good as showing. Naming character traits will never impacting the reader as strongly as demonstrating them through the story itself.

...Or whatever, continue the story as you please.

She may be similar to Raven by she is obviously a differnet person. Ignore thoses who tell you she's just Raven with a makeover. There are differences that don't make her a Raven clone. 1 thing is she has a pet bird. Raven dosen't. I like Dove. Do you think I should put up a bio of my character Rizel? I haven't put up a story with her yet thou. Have a cookie!

No offense intended, I understand thinking these things up can be very, very fun.

But, basically all you've done is give Raven a makeover and made her nicer... that's not really a new character, just a revamp.

Maybe this could be a starting point, build on her. Make 'Dove' her own person. Differ her from Raven. Make her more... human, relatable, I guess.

Anyway, I'm not saying this is bad. I'm just saying it's very... common.

But, it's all about fun in the end, right?

Peace easy,
Saint H

I can start this off by trying not be too harsh, since OC's are an effort to get into a story, but she's too similar to Raven. She looks like Raven (albeit different hair color), comes from the same place as Raven, acts similar to Raven, and has practically the same powers. You might have added a few differences here and there, but theres not much to her to make her stand out as an individual.

But that doesn't mean give the whole thing up. Just re-think the idea behind her a bit. Azarath is big place hanging there between dimensions, and not everyone there was spawned from Trigon, remember.

Re-work the powers, as well. Even Raven's powers are different from Trigon's AND Arella's, so the odds of someone having similar abilities is very slim. Perhaps she would be capable of channeling holy energy, as opposed to demonic powers.

As far as exactly what powers she'd have, i could leave those up to you to work on, but i'll give you some advice on her story a bit. Throw away the "She had a vision of coming danger and just left" part. It lacks a lot of good personality, since Dove just up and abandoned everyone she knew or cared for to save herself. The people of Azarath are pacifists, not cowards.

Perhaps Dove was banished from Azerath because she was straying from their pacifistic nature, and after that she became scared to fight. As well of being afraid of what's on Earth, since everything is new and scary. I don't know. Just, something different. Spice up the story, and it'll be a good one i can bet!

As interestings as you may think this is, this is IMO WAY too much of a Mary Sue/Self-Insert-type character. You might want to go over her a little, and possibly take a Mary Sue litmus test for her.