Very much enjoyed the story. You were able to make nearly everything we saw about Vega in the movie make perfect sense in a completely different -- and dark -- scenario. Her absolute lack -- in the story -- of compassion for anyone is almost frightening. And I love how calmly certain she is that she'll rule creation one day. Good work!

Not bad at all for a first attempt, I believe, though it would be nice to see a full work or story arc based upon your concept.

I agree that Vega is a rather flat, uninspired character for the sake of a token ally - or something along that line. Refreshing, it is to see this type of work - a Vega a tad more developed despite her malevolence. I, too, plan on including Vega in SC: MMLXXIV though I think I'll stick with the goody-goody angle.

'Tis the work challenging of the fan-fiction author: decisions already made and characters immutably the way they are; it is up to an author worth his salt to explore and perhaps understand *why* they are.

This simply is my position on the fan-author's place; you may have a paradigm different from my own, and you're free to have one, as well.

Now, if I had to say something in terms of mechanics and grammar, I would say that more lines of text could be clumped together into paragraphs for the sake of complete thoughts. Other than that, I cannot complain.

Come, Maetch, what else can you contribute to this board? :)

Later,
-Uzziel-

PS: I had just returned from a five-day getaway, in case you were wondering why I hadn't updated. If all goes well, you should see the next installment come Sunday.

Bravo, this story is excellent. I like how you explained Vega's motives and such. It does seem rather strange that Vexus would want to have a child; she would be paranoid about the said offspring overthrowing her. And, being as arrogant as she is, she would see no use for an heir, convinced of her own immortality. I can see Vega as only two things: A super warrior OR a mistake on Vexus' part. No WAY would Vexus wake up one day and think : Hm, I think I'll just build/conceive a child today. (Or, perhaps Vexus had a consort and INTENDED to have a child. We may never know).
Again, good job, and please write out the 'Vexus as a Teacher' idea.
~Doc