A great story. Very good.

"Gone was the cheerful young woman who was full of life and vigor, in her stead was an empty vessel devoid of feelings and thoughts."
Good Heavens! Right from the very start you have created a distinct feeling of isolation and sorrow. Your writing style is first rate. I do wish this weren't complete, though. Any chance of opening it up again? It really is that good. And I actually think the scene you deleted would be rather sweet. Don't worry too much about the out-of-character thing. I'm sure you could work around the distance the two kept between one another and make it all sound plausible. Well done!

hey!!Ok, i finally remembered to write a review for you! Woot woot go Jessie! anyhoo, i thought it was excellent, even though you spelt chloroform (i think i just spelt it wrong too) and pier wrong, but meh. Your just special so its all good.^__^

I couldn't picture Englehorn force feeding Ann either. But I did picture a scene between Ann and Jimmy. Having them both break down for the lose of Kong and for Hays. Those two had a special moment when they were dancing on ship.

Love this fic write more

I loved it! I agree with one of the previous reviewers; the scratching part was a bit off, but it was great anyways. I dunno, I think that Englehorn would probably have Ann force-fed...and I agree. He is super hot! :)

Overall, I think you did a great job. I've always wondered what exactly went on during the return journey.

As to what feels a bit off...I think it's the part about her scratching Jack. She *might* have smacked him, but I highly doubt she would have scratched him like that. At any rate, that's my impression.

Spelling errors: "chlorothorm" should be "chloroform" "peir" should be "pier". "Job's" in the context you're using should be "jobs".

Also, remember, commas are your friends. ^_^

I hope you continue to write--you've definitely got potential. ^_^

Cheers!

There were only a few punctuation mistakes and one spelling mistake, I think. But overall, it was pretty good. No happy ending for the once happy couple? =o Too bad, huh? Good job, cool story. Congrats.

-Silver-