When I first read this I really liked it. The plot was very sweet, Sasuke proposing on her birthday. But as I reread it with a more critical eye, I saw a lot of mistakes.

There were a lot of grammar mistakes and in the beginning Sakura was way out of character. Plus, I found it very rushed and unrealistic. I would not think Sakura would be that happy to see him. I mean, he left her for what, three years? First, I would be very shell-shocked at seeing him there which she was, but for only two seconds.

Second, I would not be so happy to see him and be so friendly with him. I would be guarded and asking questions. I wouldn't trust him immediately when he appeared and neither would Sakura. Over all that time that lapsed, she's way smarter and more independent. I wouldn't make her so needy and so desperate to have him back that I wouldn't make her reaction realistic.

Sure, she was crying and angry but it wasn't enough to make their reunion convincing. I think you should have given her a stronger disposition and made her less childish and crush-girl like. After questioning and screaming she could fall into tears or something but I think you should have given it some more attention to detail.

After they were past their differences, Sasuke proposing is a good idea. She should have been more stunned though. Keeping her unable to talk was good but still. Make her faint or something, cry a lot, then hug and kiss would have probably been a better course of action.

Now when she brought him back into Konoha (not Kohana) that was not good, I'm sorry to say. Tsunade would never let him off so easy and the others would never be so welcoming after everything he did. I understand it was supposed to be a fluffy FanFic where everyone had a happy ending but you've still got to stick to the facts.

Kairi was a good OC. No trace of a Mary Sue there.

So aside from how unrealistic it was, the overall plot was good. You've just got to work on making it believable and I can picture a perfect SasuSaku Love Story.

Good luck and happy writing!
~Sasukez~
Captain of the FF Army DOFV

you spelled kakashi wrong loved the story by the way

aw how cute he poposed it so adorable and i love all the pairings they're so meant for eachother right right i'm i right? ofcourse i am duh!




~ChErRyBlOsSoM lOlLiPoP

i luved it!

hi this is sasukez's cousin i LOVED this story its way better then mine. keep up teh great work i hope to meet u soon

i luv this every time i read it. its so cute

Wow, super cute! Love it! Keep the work up!

luved it!! so cute!!
-uchihasakura285

Aw,this is AWESOME~~!!I dunno if you posted this on dA but this is awesome!!XD You totally should!

WHE! I love that story. I've been trying to find it again for months so i can add it to my favs list. Now i have it. Keep writing more like this.

aw that was a great story too wonderful to be a one-shot though:P loved it and keep on writing hope u continue this story!:)

itsok

dude totally wicked awesome story love it sweet im writing my own story that i plan on putting on fanfic too whoevers a sasuke and sakura supporter and hasnt read this yet better!

OMG I loved it! ^^

good story