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| TrunkZy 2006-08-24 ch 1,  | abuseThroughout the poem you used the word 'that' too much. It kills the mood when stressing a word. "The sun it does down, to leave us alone" You mean goes down. Atone "To cry on inside and die on the surface." it's either: to cry on the inside or cry inside. The last stanza was definitely the best. In whole, you need to edit your poetry. |
| October Road 2006-07-19 ch 1, | abuseThat was really good, I think you did really well with the poem structure and everything :) |
| filipina-rose 2006-07-19 ch 1, | abusethis is a way wicked poem!>.< keep it up, it was really touching though, honestly |