Chapter VI –

“Hmph. Not even.”
[Not that he might occasionally speak like this, but it just doesn’t exactly seem to fit what I remember as his speech patterns.]

Chapter IX –

9. He has at least half a year’s worth of beauty magazines neatly stacked up in his school locker.
[Maybe he just watches Jeff Foxworthy: “I’m spying on the enemy”.]

[Well, this was a lot more spartan than the others were.]

Chapter X –

10. His fan has the kanji character for men on it.
[His fan seems to say _anything_. Every time I see it, there’s a different kanji.]

“Your lips—” She pushed him away,
[It’s often unclear at best to write another character’s actions/internal thoughts attached (in the same paragraph as) a different character’s dialog.]

She closed her eyes and blurted it out.
“Hayashimizu-senpai,
[Given that these are both Mikahara’s (identifying and action), would it not be best to keep these in the same paragraph.]

a-are you gay?” He spluttered and a shower
[More mixing of one character’s dialog with a different character’s actions.]

Hayashimizu made a barfing noise.
[He can? I always took him to be too dignified to do something like this.]

“So what if you swim? Issei-kun swims and he doesn’t shave his legs!”
[It’s funny that Hayashimizu would believe this folk tale, swimmers don’t actually get an appreciable difference in performance from shaving, human beings are not capable of swimming fast enough for the scant drag the hair would create to have any effect. Just to point out.]

He quickly stood up, nearly tripping over the chair legs in his rush and left the room.
[Rarely would a situation come across that I think he even _might_ sprint...outside of athletics events. He just seems too dignified. What I’d expect is that he’d stand up, appear to pace while giving his rebuttals, end up next to the door, then duck out right after his line.]

Whoa, and this chapter was massive. It’s like longer than 3 of the previous chapters put together xD
[The last three chapters were also extremely short. xD]

Go! Go! Go! Finish this great story NOW! Please update the last chapter, hope you make more good stories and may God bless you!

UGH WHY IS HE NOT GAY~! I WAS LOOKING SO FORWArD TO HIM BEING GAY *write me a special chapt hint hint* I WAS FULLY WAITING FOR THE MOMENT WHEN HE ASNWERS ALL HER QUESTIONS THEN SNAPS OPEN THE MEN FAN XD AND SHOCK HER XD

lol... that was kind of ungentlemanly of him... making Mikihara do all the work... Ah, Hayashimizu and his gracefully bastardly ways. And then to find him sleeping after he made her look for the stupid book... yeah... kinda mean, but we'll see what happens next.

yuhuu~~ its me again XDD

hmm took her breathe away?? -.^

when did he become breathtakingly beautiful~

haha i love a gay story =DD

What took you so long? Exams? Estudyante ka ba sa College o 4th year high scool?

Woah. Do you even know how awesome this is??
Okay, maybe you do, but I'll say it anyway. Super duper mega uber awesome times 10 to the third!
Keep writing and update soon!!
-taoT

YAY! its going on now!

XD


hehehe, he is gayish!

continue the awesome work sensei!

What took you so long. I waited for...ever since you last updated for an update! Well...I wish you could update faster. Good story, even up till now. Please update and may God bless you!

Wow... it's been over a year since you've updated this story... :(

Excellent idea for a fic, you captured the spirit of fumoffuu without using the exact same lines. I'm trying to keep this review calm, but it is difficult due to the fact that "War cry of Excessiveness" was my favorite episode of season 2. There are some typos, but it's a negligable amount, it's also a birdie for the hole on this site anyways. Also, the title Sousuke calls him is "taichou-kakka", or loosly "Your Excellency President", the inclusion of titles gives it a more real feeling, but I'm sure those who only watch the show dubbed would disagree. The expansion upon his home life was a good touch, it just lacked description, but there's nothing wrong with a guy buying strawberry shampoo...is there? Anyway, looking forward to the rest, and keep the humor up.

Well, I'm finding this story to extremely entertaining. I'm looking forward to you future chapters. Keep up the good work.

I have almost nothing to say. That chapter seemed pretty short, but that’s it. No odd obligatory Japanese, no frequent series of bad spelling, punctuation or grammar that plagues other stories. I am really enjoying this. Besides the fact that it’s a riot.

God bless and happy writing,
Ganheim

Depends on what kind of math you're taking...but anyway, gosh! That was to hilarious! (and slightly disturbing) Please update soon!

What I don't understand is how can such a great story take so long to be updated. You're killing me here! lol... are you running out of reasons? I can't help but to wonder. You have been doing so wonderful up until now, I wonder if you're giving up on us. Keep up the great work... I hope to see more in the future.