cant wait for the update there aren't enof keitaro su parings

To all readers/reviewers, I'd like to know what you think of the new layout.

Yours,
Tiax Anderson

Hey, how is it going?

The story so far is good, but still you need to pay attention to the details while you write, if you could describe everything more carefully you could really give this story a great boost!

Keep it up !

Nice story, however its not Keitarou, its Keitaro. Anyway it's a nice story, however I wonder if anyone will ever Su what half the actions they say.

Other than that, I sense a funny story in the works.

Sorry for not reviewing your other chapters first.

Ruto Kuntai

Isn't Keitaro supposed to be 20? You stated he flunked three times, so let’s see: 18, 19, 20 - yes twenty. Unless Keitaro was academically superior, then he might have had the chance to start when he was 17.
Well that is the least of the problems:
Interrupting the story with a note (twice) - Lame
Giving half-assed descriptions - Lame
Improper grammar - Lame
The flow of the storey is also bad, could I go on? You betcha, but I think I have made my point.
I Demand You Do Better!
Don't fall in this category;
Ineptitude: If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

Yes the author is definately lazy, seeing as he didn't even take the time to properly paragraph his story. I don't know what national you come from, but it is customary to start a new paragraph whenever someone new is speaking. Therefore a messy paragraph like this:

I hear an unknown voice; “And again, Urashima Keitarou is the first on the prep school rankings!” More voices arise “Urashima how do you study for this?” “Your the best Urashima!” “Can I shake your hand Keitarou?!” “What you want to shake hands? Sure.” I'm is surrounded by a big crowd of prep students and they offer me a hand, another and even more. I start shaking hands with all who want one from me, the first of the entire prep school:D

Becomes:

I hear an unknown voice; “And again, Urashima Keitarou is the first on the prep school rankings!”

More voices arise “Urashima how do you study for this?”

“Your the best Urashima!”

“Can I shake your hand Keitarou?!”

“What you want to shake hands? Sure.”

I'm is surrounded by a big crowd of prep students and they offer me a hand, another and even more. I start shaking hands with all who want one from me, the first of the entire prep school:D

Until the paragraphing is fixed, I can't even properly read this story to give it a proper review.

Sincerely,

ClanCrusher

Head of the Fanfiction Reviewers Academy

Not a bad chapter, Tiax-san, and while not much seems to be happening so far, I liked conversation between Kaolla and Kitsune.

However, I thought I’d mention that Kaolla doesn’t really hesitate to use her less-harmful inventions on the other girls: in the anime, Kaolla did use Virtual-kun (TM) on Naru, and her Cherry-kun (TM) did end kissing Motoko (though she wasn’t Kaolla’s intended target). Though if it is testing, not entertainment Kaolla is after, I agree that she would probably pick Shinobu as her test subject (at least in Keitaro's absence), since she is the one to put up least resistance.

Special bottle of shake? Were you possibly referencing Sake?

In the first chapter Sue is with Keitaro's family, is that correct?
Then she leaves to live in hinata Sou, Right?

In the second chapter she recalls her family life as Princess per cannon. This is a little contradictory as to why Sue left for Hinata.
All is explained in the chapter, Right?
In any case the chapters are abit short, the second chapter really didn't move much, Sue wants to remmeber the little boy, decides to build the machine, and now it needs to be tested...

I already like this story, only thing I dislike is the lack of overall content, I know this may sound like a whine, but please make the chapters longer? I'll bribe you with a hug...or a banana.

Quite a good beginning, even if it is a little short. I am looking forward to the next chapter of this story of yours, Tiax Anderson, especially since the ‘lucky girl’ is obviously one of my two favorite Love Hina characters (you made it pretty obvious who she is, truth to tell).