Oh this is so good! I love all the changes you've made. It seriously adds a whole new depth to the story. I really cannot wait to see what happens next! Update soon, pwease? ;3

Fin

OH! I like, I like, I like! Keep it going! This is SO good! I never really thought it plausible that Edmund forgot that easily, either. Peter forgiving... maybe. But not Edmund. So I like this! :D

i liked it so far. Continue please.

I'm interested. Poor Peter and Edmund. I've always enjoyed reading brotherly bonding and you're interpretation of their relationship is both realistic and sad. Thanks so much for writing and I hope to read more in the future!

Love it! I absolutely love these sorts of stories, which I suppose you could call beating a dead horse since I read them all the time- but soo sweet. I can't wait for the part where they actually make up. It's just bound to be adorable!

Love your writing, by the way. _

i really really like this story and i hope that you finish it

Love it! I always thought Ed and Peter got over the whole betrayal thing too fast. Loved the Susan-Edmund scenes. Can't wait for more!

Fabs

Loving this so far. Keane is my favorite band, so it's wonderful to see a fic based on "The Frog Prince". Brilliant!

so cool. cant wait for the rest. :)

Please continue this story soon! It is very good and I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Nice precepts. Good insights into established scenes.

Love Edmund's setting. The description and narration there are absolutely stunning. Nice, slow work.

I also love each character's inner thoughts. Beautiful, especially Peter's "hug him or slap him?" debate. (Can you unpack that, though? I want him to elaborate on it. Just because you can. The story doesn't really NEED it, but it's a nice idea.)

Good idea! Let's see how it works out.

Stellar work!

Keep writing.

Love the end bit.

Peter wants to help, but he can't deal with it, and so Edmund misinterprets. Beautiful.

Can Peter be more annoyed with Susan's "Be gentle" comment? I think Peter knows to be gentle, thank you very much. His brother just went through hell and back - of course he's going to bloody well be gentle! But Peter lets it go, and I don't think he would.

I love the Edmund/Susan interaction. Smartly characterized. I love the "But a king..." flashback line, although the line that follows is a bit of a throwaway, since Edmund never really does comfort her in this chapter. Not really, anyway.

Peter's first thought has the right spirit, but wrong words. 'Yet' is not the conjunction you want. "Older, mature" are two words that work, but you need to pick one and stick with it. In tandem, they combat each other linguistically and stylistically. It just doesn't work.

Do love the opening scene, however. Peter is so confused, and it comes across. I love his inability to face his fears. Very Peter here pre-Magnificence. :)

Strong work!

Keep writing.

Peter recognizes the sword? That's something I've never seen anyone include before - lovely choice.

I also love Peter's admission, Ed's strong, vehement arguments, and Susan's practical summary of the situation. Good choices.

Really love Ed's use of Peter's previous tone. Nice nod. Also love the spite that Peter misinterprets, and Lucy's ability to calm Edmund.

Watch your proofreading. Minor goofs abound, and are mostly typing errors.

Try giving us some more introspective narration. Your action is smooth and strong, but I want those long paragraphs where we get into Peter's head. We need them to make things complete. ;)

Excellent work.

Keep writing.

This story is very well-written, and I'm not just saying that. Your story is so detailed and descriptive. I feel like I'm rereading the original book or watching the film version again while reading this, but also getting more of an insight how the characters feel, think, and act; more than what is seen or red in the book and film. I am pleased with your portrayal of each and every character in this story. From what I've seen here, you have a lot of talent.

O, baby - such an outburst!

I like it a lot - it shows that Edmund still ahs that angry temper he always had, but now it's directed at himself and he's focusing on the consequences of his own actions. He is truly on his way to earning the title of King Edmund the Just.

Bravo, old chap! Please do continue soon!

-KCS