Dude, I freaking love Knights of the White Wolf. How is it that no one writes stories with them on this site.

Well, it's an interesting story loaded with a varied cast of likable characters who have some humourous interactions...

...but that's just it! What this is, is really the skeleton of what could be a much larger story. It has potential yes, but, much like the last reviewer noted, it really needs more character development and some questions about the cast answered. Example: With the Ogre guide, the revelation that he wanted to 'help' them was handled in a rather abrupt manner. First he appears threatening to them, now he leads them onward? I think we missed a scene there...

Still, it was an entertaining read but with a bit more work, it could become great.

Lol, that last line was a little familiar. Okay, so, over all this seems to be a pretty good start, but there are some things that could make it better. First, the description. When people are scanning for stories, they aren't going to take the time to read the first chapter of every story, and there's a lot of competition out there, so your description HAS to stand out if you want to get readers. Make it fantastic and intriguing, FORCE them to take a peek. What would you be looking for if you were reading other peep's descriptions? Also, I'm not sure exactly what audience you're shooting for, but if it were me I would be aiming for everyone and not just Warhammer fans. See, it was a little hard for me to follow, and I think it's because of all the references to things I know nothing of. You should also make it very clear what your characters are doing and who they are. For example, why are they fighting? How many people are there? Who is Capt. Richter in relation to Aethur (he just kinda popped in)? What's a Templar? I don't plan to comment on every chapter, but the first chap is definately the most important as far as getting readers, so I'm going to make a big deal out of it. I really liked some of the descriptions, and the story looks like it's going to be interesting, but I can't really make judgements on the storyline yet. I suggest putting in more character development here at the start. Make me like your main characters. They need to intrigue me, I need to care about how they feel. I'm not going to read a story for some battle scenes, I'm going to read it for the characters, and only if I like the characters will I care about what they're doing (and I do want to see them fight!). Bottom line: good start, but try make the first chapter easier to get in to, and make me interested in these characters. This takes skill. Can you do it?