kya forbidden indeed but oh so right! kya nejihina!!

Aww it was so hot and sweet! I like it! Can you write a sequel? ;]

Oh yes! Some NejiHina goodness. I've been looking for a good NejiHina FanFic. This has filled my craving. I see there are not many NejiHina fictions that are rated M. So sad since I like squeezing lemons XD Anyways, I indeed loved this story. I think you could turn this into a full out story. Also, I loved your writing style and a lot of the lines gave me chills. I love a good M rated story. Good job! ^^

HELLO I AM SWEETHYUUGA
CAN I TRANSLATE YOUR FIC TO SPANISH?
IT IS VERY GOOD AND I WOULD LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TO ALSO KNOW IT. AM I ABLE TO?
THANK YOU
PLEASE RESPOND ME

That was such a good story though i never though og neji and hinata being intimate. as the old saying go love triumpts everything ehh lol

Beautiful! I thought it was really good! Lemons with love is the best!!

i was so hungry for nejixhinata fics!
>

Very nice. Well done indeed. Course I think everyone would be better off with these two together anyway.

:) I really enjoyed reading it. Sweet and touching. Very nice positive ending.

so so beautiful

Love the ending, nice lemon part to.

HEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHHEHEH!he-BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! that was really good!! damn i wish i could right like that~!

That was a really awesome story!

I adore this line - "She was on fire, she was burning up. He was everything to her, and if she couldn’t have him the flames would take her."

And she called his name. Oh my! That's one of my personal Neji/Hinata kinks. Thanks you!!

And the ending was excellent. They're steeling themselvs for tomorrows battles with a good night's sleep. Very sweet. Now I'm wondering what kind of reactions the cold light of day will bring? Will Hinata be horrified at the thought of getting punished by her father or will she still be similarly resolved? How about Neji?

So, you asked for my crit. I didn't see anything that jumped out at me(this was very good!), so I'll just tell you the two things I try to think of whenever I'm writing! "Show, don't tell" and "Use strong, active language." This is not always possible, but when it is, try to "show" Hinata doing whatever she's doing. So instead of just telling the reader that "She felt nervous" or whatnot, say something like, "Hinata's hands shook as she led them into the cold room." We'll know that shaking hands equal nervousness!

As for strong language, always try to use strong verbs and nouns rather than "weaker" adverbs and adjectives. There are a lot of "stronger" ways to say something like "Walked slowly" (ambled, dragged, moseyed :p), etc.

I didn't really notice any instances of either of these to call you out on, I'm basically just leacturing to hear myself type now. Thank you so much for sharing this!

Amazing! i aslo like the incest part such a taboo even greater then their main family branch family thing.