Reviews for What's In a Name?

Reviews For: What's In a Name? - Reviews: Page 1 of 8

Rose Silvers 2008-07-20 ch 1, anon.	abuseI know this is really small, but Trina Long's name has a T in it, but the city below her name says "Arlingon." Shouldn't it be Arlington? Sorry to bother you. P.S. You should visit Arlington Cemetery in the spring sometime. There are so many cherry trees, you won't see a more poignant scene in your life.
surrealgreen 2008-07-15 ch 1,	abuseSo I've been going through the Criminal Minds stories looking for good case fics with a strong dose of Reid, and I found a handful of really good ones. And then I realized--you wrote most of them! Great job, I really like the way you portray the characters, and I look forward to your next story.
Phoenix-from-below 2008-03-23 ch 10,	abuseabsolutely loved reading your story. especially the kind of relationship your reid and hotch have...it sounds sweet...really liked the ending...with reid little monologue about his life, how he discovered that he wants to be a profiler and foremost the part about the BAU being his family...I honestly had tears running down my face at this part...thank you soo much for this beautiful piece of FF.
cassy7 2008-03-13 ch 10, anon.	abuseAnother great story. I loved the anagram angle. I think its very imaginative. And just because we write fanfiction does not mean that we have to keep to the story line or take bits from actual episodes. So don't worry about the fisher king episode. You're a great writer. Keep up the great work.
mog 2007-09-15 ch 10, anon.	abuseleft molar -- people have many left molar teeth, top and bottom, so this won't work. Some other body-part. :-) heart-wrecking -- heart-rending (with or without hyphen). Or sometimes heartbreaking. do a difference -- make a difference great role models that helped me, helps me -- the second one should be "help", plural (plural subject, "role models") Common error. I notice you've switched to "mom" instead of "mum", good! g American usage until Reid was laying flat -- lying. This is possibly the most native-speakerish error you could make. The correct form is actually going out of existence soon, I think! "He knew he would never keep a gun in the home where he raised his son." If FBI agents are like cops, they are required to keep their weapons with them at all times. So he would not be able to do this. I don't think the female agents would fall apart even though Reid is in danger. I think they would be doing FBI stuff according to their training (securing the scene, etc.) and helping with the CPR if needed, things like that. But then, I suppose the male agents wouldn't fall apart as much as this, either (g). (Those two were from Ch. 9, I'm hurrying on without stopping!) "His name is Posh Tail. That's an anagram for hospital." -- Oh cute! "Garcia had a noisemaker and even a party hat, but knowing her, she probably traveled with such items on a regular basis." Hee hee! "I didn't want to settle in a niche that had been chosen for me and not by me. And I was sad because the world outside was closed to me. I didn't fit in and only looked foolish trying to." Oh, nice lines. I love Reid's whole speech here. "I don't have friends, Hotch, and with my mom being where she is, I don't really have a family either, to go to for the holidays and weekends. I don't have a family to vacation with. I don't have a family that I go home to at night. But I do have a family that I go to in the morning." Oh, this is heartbreaking! Wonderful. "He pushed an errant strand of hair behind Reid's ear" -- I never like to see this phrase used in fanfic, because it is used all too often, female characters especially tuck hair behind their ears incessantly, and so it is also the marker for the "female man" if you'll excuse a little Joanna Russ reference, in this case the male character who is perceived as the damsel in distress, the beloved, etc. So it's become a personal hatred of mine, because I think there should be other personality traits for females besides fiddling with their hair. g End hot-button rant. "I seem to have a tendency to end my stories with Reid asleep in a hospital bed." Hee hee hee! That's the way it goes with angst stories, but we love 'em. "I had therefore not seen 'Fisher King'," Hee! Wait till you see "Revelations"! :-) But don't worry, your story is great and there are only so many plots out there, after all. It's a great pair of stories and I hope you are still planning to write more Criminal Minds fic.
mog 2007-09-15 ch 8, anon.	abuse"good, bad and mundane all mixed together" -- nice line "crushing his larynx" -- that would kill Reid, I'm afraid. You're doing a great job with this story, keeping the suspense up and following through on the characterization. I'm staying up all night readingit! On to Chapter 9!
mog 2007-09-15 ch 7, anon.	abuseamongst hotels -- "amongst" is a bit colloquial. I would stick to "among" for narration. a curse nod -- curt Heller-raid -- no hyphen. When in doubt, your best bet is to omit hyphens. Hotchner depleted -- I love this! But unfortunately it's not English. I wish it were! Deflated, maybe, though it's not as cool. uhu -- uh-huh = yes, huh-uh or uh-uh = no (not as common) The accent is always on the "huh". point blank -- this means at very close range, often touching; so would not be correct for the security camera. fixating him with his eyes -- fixing him. low-lives -- low-lifes. Special case, because the term "low-life" is treated as a unchangeable noun. I know, it's odd. Is also true of the unhyphenated term "still life" (painting), the plural is "still lifes". "The doors could not be opened from the outside until those latches were released" -- hotels would never have doors that couldn't be opened from either side; it would be highly illegal. It would be better to just say they couldn't be opened without a key. "the next time this phone rings, I will kill two hostages before answering." -- wouldn't really work, because someone else might call Hotch, e.g., his wife. "Us? There's a league of homicidal psychopaths I don't know about?" Good one, Reid! Oh what a cliffhanger!
mog 2007-09-15 ch 6, anon.	abusewhat self-respecting who -- should just be "who would call themselves...?" and abandon the "self-respecting", or change the sentence. You could say "What self-respecting person" but it's still a little awkward with the rest of the sentence. organized for a SWAT team -- arranged for, or you could just say "organized a SWAT team", no "for". backdoors, backseat -- back doors, back seat. Some native speakers use "backyard" but I would write "back yard" also. all clear-signal -- all-clear signal (yes, hyphens are tricky) :-) storming a resident -- residence bicep -- biceps, always. (native speakers almost ALL make this mistake, so you are not alone!) difference of opinions -- differences of opinion "What other reason do you have for not letting me out of your sight? For constantly checking up on me? I'm barely allowed to cross the street without holding your hand!" -- heehee! (again, slash writer here, can't help it) Wow, this fight between Reid and Hotch is sensational! Great scene!
mog 2007-09-15 ch 5, anon.	abusehe sunk down in an armchair -- sank. Although "sunk", "sung", etc. have been used this way by some major English poets in the not-so-distant past! And it is an error that many, many native speakers make when writing. be beware -- be aware (or just, "beware") A native speaker would never say "be beware". This would also mean you would have to change the cipher message slightly, if you decide to correct this. how much of his arrogance that shines through -- how much his arrogance shines through this (message) (if that's what you intended for Hotch to mean) an indigent defense speech -- indignant. heehee -- I suspect your spellchecker did this one. putting up 'A Christmas Carol' -- putting on the Sanders' wouldn't hear of it -- the Sanderses. I know, awkward, but it's a plural, not a possessive. No apostrophe. drunken hot chocolate -- (had) drunk "grown weary of him and his awkwardness. It wouldn't be the first time either." Oh, poor Reid. hugs him "Maybe he should have told the others about Ann." Yeah, I thought it was extremely odd he didn't mention knowing her. Ha, I was right about the Mastriano! My next question is why isn't Reid noticing the guy who came up to him and called him a genius at the breakfast buffet... boy is he gonna feel dumb when THAT hits him... Oh, ha, I knew the hotel would have a photo of employees. The penny drops! This is interesting because this situation is essentially the same as the episode with the potential teen killer of prostitutes who stops Reid in the subway station. There, of course, Reid quickly catches on that there is something wrong with the kid. Cute scene at the coffee shop, though of course it could never happen. Oh, if only Reid had asked Hotch about the plane conversation. Poor baby. I'm enjoying how all this is playing out.
mog 2007-09-15 ch 3, anon.	abusefree rein of the entire casino -- free run or more likely, just "the run of" bull-** -- no hyphen. Also, Reid seems unlikely to use profanity/vulgarity. Some of that is just the show's censors of course, but it doesn't seem to be his way of speaking. Lot's of extra work. -- Lots. Just a plural, no apostrophe. right on his heals -- heels, but I'm sure it's just a typo coin department -- compartment (or pocket) Having Geoffrey foot Diana's medical bills is a brilliant idea! Keeps them still connected and accounts for a difficult problem in Reid family economics. And I still say, fantastic English. You even use the proper past tense of "to lead" (led) which brings tears to my eyes -- so many native speakers can't get that right! :-D "and why it was always Hotchner asking him" -- heehee (okay I'm a slash writer, that's how my mind works) "Confidence is just the feeling you get before you properly understand the situation." Heh. Cute. I don't think Reid would jump to the conclusion that the BAU didn't want him from the conversation he overheard. He's too smart for that, plus the fragments make it clear that Gideon is supporting him. But okay, I'll buy it for the sake of the plot. Meanwhile, I'm betting Uncle Joel's Mastriano workers have something to do with this case... :-) Onward!
mog 2007-09-15 ch 2, anon.	abuseHi there, enjoying this story. Thought I would send a couple more English notes your way: Fairmount-kidnapper -- okay, I should have said something on the other story but I was reading too fast! This shouldn't be hyphenated. Most likely if the press were using this term as an ID, they would capitalize Kidnapper. Chances are, though, they wouldn't use this word as a nickname, since it is so general. They'd be more likely simply to refer to the "Fairmount kidnappings (or murders)" or something like that. chocked -- shocked. probably just a typo, but I have a Danish friend who uses this spelling so I thought I'd mention it. :-) twelve-years-old -- no hyphens; they should only be used for a noun phrase, like "he was a twelve-year-old at the time". 36-years-old -- same, no hyphens. Hope this is helpful. On to Chapter 3!
mog 2007-09-15 ch 1, anon.	abuseSince you requested them, I have a few corrections that you might find useful for future stories: physiatrist -- I'm pretty sure you mean "psychiatrist" physical trades == traits intelligence quote -- quotient (IQ). But almost no one would say that, they'd just say "intelligence". a manifest -- a manifestation (a manifest is a list of cargo, as a noun, though "to manifest" is the verb that goes with "manifestation"). I think a team of highly trained FBI agents would have picked up the anagrams as soon as Reid started writing the names and cities on the board. I did! And certainly Morgan wouldn't have had to ask him to explain them. The solution, from a writerly pov, is to just have Reid go off immediately into his explanation, which he would do anyway I think, thus helping the reader; and/or have one of the team go "They're anagrams!" and so forth. My first take was that there were an unusual number of Italian last names, which I think the team and Reid would also have noticed, for an American population; though of course it's a red herring, only relevant because it helps anagram the Spanish city names. :-) On to Chapter 2...
Mrs Hatake Itachi 2007-08-13 ch 10,	abuseNice story!
-Hidden-Wolves- 2007-07-20 ch 10,	abuseThat was another great one of your stories! I have now read everyone of your stories, but the one about Elle's childhood, for I am not a very big fan of Elle...But that was one of the best...but then how am I to compear those stories? they are all so different and have different goods and bads... At first I was a little worried about reading this one. I am not a big fan of self-pity stories, which was what this was said to be. This was the best self-pity story I have read though. It wasn't fully baased on Reid felling left out, which was good, and the over all story line was good, keep you guessing! Great Job, I hope you right an other story some time soon... I also have to point out how much I liked the way that you keep using: Waking up was never Reid's favorite part of the day. It is just so good...lol Also i like how you first used it in Little Boy Lost(Which was the first story of yours I read), it connects the two. VERY GOOD JOB!
Apodrru 2007-07-11 ch 10,	abuseAll I can say is "WOW." That was really fun to read and flowed very well. You should not feel like you have to write shorter pieces. I don't think it was too long. You had a story to tell and if you had shortened it, it would have felt rushed and would not have had some of the great details it did. My one nit pick is that at one point you said the room was soundproofed and in the next scene, the people outside heard a gunshot. If the room was soundproofed then they shouldn't have heard the gun. However, that was just a tiny little thing in a good story.

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