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Reviews For: Swimming Lesson

scarlet white cross
2008-05-02
ch 1,
abuseo!
this is so cute!
Senel's feelings are so jumbled!
but his love for Chloe isn't!
he loves her!
and he knows it!
great story!
NiokiNiki
2007-06-09
ch 1,
abuseIt ish perfect! I love the little part at the end. XD
Lily10
2007-05-03
ch 1,
abuseMost definitely the best SenelxChloe story I've ever had the pleasure of reading xD
MedliSage
2007-01-28
ch 1,
abuseOh God, that was so cute. :3

I loved it.
Noc and NC
2007-01-05
ch 1,
abuseFunny you should write this. When I finished the part at the waterways, and the two were talking about how she couldn't swim, I was like, "naked swimming lesson!!". She SO wanted a naked swimming lesson. But NO, the game makers had to go and ruin that. Of course, a NAKED swimming lesson is rather off-character. So this story works just fine! The typos threw me off a bit, but I knew what you ment, and the past/present tense didn't bug me at all. ...The swimming lessons made it all better! :)
SapphireWhiteTigress
2006-12-18
ch 1,
abuseAw, that was so cute! I actually enjoyed reading it, so much that I'll favorite it. Thanks for sharing!!
iloveit
2006-11-13
ch 1,
abuseYay. SenelxChloe is the pairing I'm obsessing over at the moment and this fic made me rather happy indeed.

You've got some great lines... in particular, "A kiss was something she never expected from the numbskull" really, really worked well there. It did way more to grab the reader's attention than a simple "He kissed her" type of phrase would've.

There are, however, a lot of tense problems... take, for example, "Senel rolled his eyes again when he watched Chloe sat on the grass. She’s definitely procrastinating." You switch from past to present there. There's also some stuff like "most lover do" that a simple Spelling & Grammar check probably would've caught. I'd recommend getting someone to proofread your work so errors like these can be taken care of before the final copy.

Oh, and I believe the title was actually Sinking Knight (not Drowning), but that's kind of trivial.
falcon crest
2006-09-30
ch 1,
abusefirst id like to say that your fic was so so...
but you managed to do something i was struggling to do and never did.
you changed something from the story by keeping the characters IC.
so good luck, for the next fics, i'll read them ;)
Nighthawk-Moonshadow
2006-08-29
ch 1,
abuseOther than some grammar issues, very well written! Just try to keep more in either the present or past tense and not both. Other than that, enjoyable and added to my faves!
CloudlessSkies909
2006-08-28
ch 1,
abusewow... definately one of the best here for ToL i've read so far. And this is better than humor! Make another!
Elvyn-Light
2006-08-28
ch 1,
abuseDefinitely a good fic. Senel and Chloe were in-character for most of the fic.. unlike many others I've read.
However, there were a few grammar issues. The past tense of the noun "break-up" is still "break-up;" i.e. "He broke up with her, and that night, she mourned their break-up." Also, try to stay in past-tense throughout the whole fic instead of switching from present to past; it makes it easier to read.
But overall, it's a good fic. I loved the title, and great summary, too; all in the style of the game.
snowangel777-16
2006-08-28
ch 1,
abuseKAWAII! I just love this couple! They do seem a bit OOC, but love can do wierd things to a person. I hope to see more SenelxChloe oneshots! This section needs some more! I'll give it a 4/5. And once again, KAWAII!
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