i really like this story. please update soon

This story is very structurally sound, with far better spelling and grammar than I have come across on many an occasion. I would warn against the long run-on sentances signifying bursts of thought, and the POV changes between Mina and Eomer were at times a little disconcerting, but overall I found it wonderfully readable from a SPG point of view. On the subject of typos, I did not find any, but would like to warn you that "fisting" has strong connotations of a particular sexual act which I do not believe that you intended to refer to.

With your treatment of vampires on general, I am also quite impressed. The blood fascination, the sexual nature which is undeniably part of the vampiric mythology, are well handled. Moreover, you do not allow your character to become caught up in the vampiric angst which is all too common throughout youthful writing in general and fanfiction, for some unknown reason, in particular.

However, I am uncertain as to the canonical veracity of the story. Vampires are indeed a canon race in Tolkien's work, and are featured in minor roles in the Silmarillion. However, they are corrupted Maia and beings of Morgoth's darkness, rather than as portrayed in Western culture and indeed in your piece of writing. Moreover, I am uncertain as to the setting of this story in terms of timeline, as when Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were in Rohan it was a time of great danger for the Kingdom. However, if the story is AU I am willing to let this lack of precision about timing slide.

The characterisation of several characters was, although perfectly consistent within the bounds of this story, not completely canonically so. Eowyn in particular was a subtle, strong woman given over to her warrior's abilities due to the dangerous time in which she was raised, and the idea of her giggling and becoming involved in a waterfight seems rather incongruous in my mind. (As an aside note, Rohan was made up of inland plains, with little rainfall, and water would have been something of a precious commodity. However, this is again minor.) The influences of several important characters, most notably Theoden and therefore Wormtongue, seem to have taken the 'darkness' from several of the characters, particularly Eomer who had in the books been lately banished from his homeland.

Please do not think that I mean to be insulting with this message. The story is fine and readable, but I feel that it might do better as a piece of original fiction. This would also allow you to continue to build a world around your characters, expand on the existence of vampires and what role they would have played in the historical advancement of a world, as well as their cultural impact. You have the potential to become a fine writer, but this story is perhaps not best suited to this fandom.

The only real flaw I've found with this story is that the chapters are all really short. Which sucks b/c I'm enjoying this story SO MUCH! Its good fun and a different style. Eomer/OC pairings are always awesome! Cant wait for more, up date soon!

Thanx.

~*C.J*~

oh I love this fic! please please update soon, i cant wait to read more

i love it update soon pl?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!

This story is amazing. I'm addicted. It's better than chocolate. The only problem I have is that it seems like there is a true story behind all this man trouble, and I'm not reading it. Maybe it'll come out in later chapters, and my complaining will have been in vain, but whatever. There's my two cents. Anyway, your fic owns, and I can't wait to read more! :)

'...yes, she had, on her tongue, running down her throat, just the once on the battlefield just the very once when his throat had been slashed by that orc and he’d been dying in her arms, she’d run her tongue across the gaping wound across his jugular with tears in her eyes and a sob trapped in her throat because the man who had shown her such kindness since she’d landed in this terrifying fantasy world was bleeding to death and drowning in his own blood in her arms, and she’d tasted the richness of his life’s blood as the life began to fade from his eyes, and the wound had healed with the touch of her tongue to his cool, sweaty, dirty skin and she’d cut into her wrist with his knife, sobbing in pain because she’d cut too deep but it didn’t matter as long as Eomer lived, her friend, her protector, her guide and guardian, and she’d begged him to swallow the gift of her blood and he’d done it and oh, his mouth on her skin, sucking and sucking and sucking as she gave him new life, so sublime.' Break this huge chunk of text up into several sentences.

Tolkien's fantasy world kind of makes a clearer division between good and evil. Any sort of creature contaminated or turned into a demon is pretty much doomed and done for. Gandalf wouldn't allow a vampire to live. He and pretty much any smart and good character would want to release Mina from her tainted existence. ...And simply slapping an AU disclaimer on the story doesn't really explain how Gandalf would be okay with a vampire.

brilliant

In general...

I like this one a lot. I am a HUGE LOTR fan and have been for many years and i hate it when people do fanfictions. but this one, i really like.

its an interesting take on it. and a nice break from your normal Frodo/Sam slash. which is fine to an extent.

I like too how you dont go right into the sex. its all very teasing.

I must say that this is a crossover type thing I never would have expected. I love vampires and I love LotR (especially Eomer), but I never thought that they could be brought together. You told this well (at least the first chapter), when it would be so easy to make it stupid. Congratulations. ONWARD!

sweet

An interesting and different sort of story, and I like how we are plunged immediately into the story, at the heart of the action. At the same time I assume at one point some more backstory will be provided, but that can come later. Oh, and threre is a thin line between erotic and porny, and you are straddling that line! I can say that in the story there are surprising details that jump out at you, like the setence where Mina's "hand came up and she nearly touched his bare chest, the thick blond hair covering it, but jerked her hand back at the last moment, inhaling sharply and staring at the offending appendage as if it had somehow betrayed her."

Good job!

great story cant wait for an update

Nice, an interesting start, hope to read more soon!