er... mind making a followup that would clarify things a bit? i can guess from the summary, but i'd need a little more help than that.

inriguing (sp?), though,
brittney

to say that i was confused would be an understatement. i didn't really understand what the story had to do with the summary. to put it bluntly, it was bad. i'm not trying to flame her, but for future reference, when writing a "drabble" don't give it a complicated plot if you intend it to be short. this story could have been really good if done in a longer version, with more chapters and all that jazz. as it is now, it's just confusing and a complete waste of time. i'm sorry if i sound mean, but i had to speak my mind.

what just happened? yes drabbles are wonderful.. and urs were very lyrical.. but im sitting here trying to figure out who was getting beat up.. was that artemis? was it physical or mental i couldn't figure that out.. but i think it was physical. and juliet was beating him up? y? im such an idiot.. gosh this made no sense to me. im assuming that if i read 'a lost colony'?? or whatever this was refering too it would make more sense.. sorry for being at a complete loss with this drabble.

my fave line was this tho... "And she would grab at him, and hold him still, as if today might be the first time that he struggled."
i liked that. even if i never figured out y it was happening..

that was confusing, i didn't get it...

juliette beating up domivoi butler...?

confusing.

nice 'pinch...punch...first of the month...and no returns.'

*narrows eyes* you know, I think I'm too stupid to get this... oh the confusion! But then again you arty, talented people with your fabulous drabbles are ALWAYS confusing to me... *grumbles* One thing I would say, though, is I wasn't sure if, in the first line you'd made a typo or not - "The weight of her fist slammed into her side" - did you mean she's punching herself, or she's punching him? OR I'm being dense again and she IS punching herself, she's just PRETENDING it's from him cos he's too depressed cos of loosing artemis/whateverheisinthisficohtheconfusion to do it himself? *brain explodes* *grins vacantly* nice though! Very nice! *drifts off*

hm..it was nice. The start was very very good :) But i really didn't get it..

Well, already started at this on the MSN, but I'll drop a review here-

Though the nice, angled style is there, it isn't *linked* into itself. That's the main problem I see- though the individual phrases are fine, there's no connection between the two *besides* the plot of the piece. The metaphors, the phrases... there's no mirroring, no parallels. If that makes sense. :P

However, it's still good stuff. I can get what's going on, even though I don't have TLC under my belt yet. So. *coughs*