love ya!
>.<

excellent, excellent stuff here, morohtar. it's just like you to get to the real crux of the matter. to delve as deep as it goes. the levels of material covered in the chapter is intense.

i don't know if you've read any macdonald, but you would like him. i find a similarity between the way you and he write. you certainly stand on his shoulders, though lewis, tolkien, and chesterton (i assume) stand between. in particular, i notice that the language by which you describe fallen characters or evil actions betrays their true nature, even while it is being hidden. this was evidenced particularly in elizabeth and coulter this chapter, though stands out even more so in bronwyn two chapters back. it is especially useful if one writes not for one's own amusement, but for the sake of one's readers.

keep up the good work. if i get a chance, i'll check out the original stuff on your profile.

And this is very interesting. Visually, not where I'd like to go, but for the sake of your conversation, it is the only way to get the points across.

It is a good thing, I think, that this is a story. For I would vehemently protest Herhonor's speech as so much cow dung. That said, you got into the mind set of one determined to undermine that which has been ordered from the get go. Men and women to be as one, puzzle pieces fitting together.

Brilliant.

a very well-written chapter. my only indigestion with it is that it almost seems as if you added not for the sake of the story, but for the sake of saying something that you've wished you could say in your real life for quite some time. however, setting aside that minor complaint, it was well done, in keeping with dear su's character, and gives a fair example of the attitudes that the New British Order holds. it especially reminds the readers what kind of antagonist we are dealing with here. good work.

It's great to see not only one, but two updates of this story! I really enjoyed the conversation between Elizabeth and Coulter. Thanks so much and I look forward to more.

I have so many questions now, the biggest one being especially the time jump. I'm sure in due time you'll provide the answers but it is very interesting how we (and Elizabeth) have now jumped thirteen years into the future. It certainly seems that the NBO is still the winning side at this point, so does this mean that the Friends of Narnia lost thirteen years ago this very day? It looks as if Elizabeth was transported to this time to save her from being destroyed by Bronwyn's magic. And what of Peter, Edmund and the others? Does Susan know of Elizabeth's appearance here as well?

I'm looking forward to your next update, and with those last few lines, it seems as if Elizabeth's father isn't who we (or she) is expecting it to be.

Before I begin my comments on this interlude, let me just say that I am glad I went back to the previous chapter before digging into the two new ones you have just added; I had not realized you had rewritten that last one for a third time! The ending has completely changed yet again, and without having read the start to part 3, I think this new revision is a bit more satisfying then the previous two versions.

That said, I'm not sure how exactly this interlude comes into play yet (I will read the next chapter after I post this review). I do agree with some points that Susan has made here but the very first thing that jumped into my head as I read this was that she was channeling Narnia in some unconscious way.

Her view that women should be as equal as men seems to stem from the way life was in Narnia; she was Queen and was equal in power and authority as her brothers. I am reminded of the scene in "King Edmund's Crusade" where the General and the guards wanted to shelter Susan when their enemies were about ready to invade the Cair. But she exercised her right and despite being the Gentle queen, she chose instead to fight with her people, and enlisting whatever help she could to protect the city and castle, be they experienced soldiers or the general castle staff and servants.

And with her call out to men and women to join her in *this* crusade, it is almost as if it was Narnia and Queen Susan was saying that both males and females (should) have equal rights in *her* country.

Hopefully, this makes sense! :-)

NICE? From Lewis's Space Trilogy, That Hideous Strength? "SHUDDER!

This one was a bit harder for me to get through, though it is quite important in that we get to see Susan for the first time (?) in her, um, glory - her beauty and her charisma are frightening just in the fact that she believes and is advancing, successfully, the _wrong_ things. Then when her facade drops in front of Digory, she becomes truly scary as we see who is behind it all. Br. Shivers.

It's a wonder Digory didn't make any comparisons to Jadis or wonder if this is what Susan must have been like (beautiful, regal, easy to follow), though completely perverted now, as queen of Narnia.

And poor Digory. I can feel the sinking feeling in his gut, because it's in my own.

*coughs* Long time, no see, eh? I have a ways to go to catch up, but it only takes a step/chapter at a time. :o)

First of all, I've said it before, but I'll say it again - you're a master of the action scenes. I love the fight - it's so cinematic and easy to see, and of course, it features Peter kicking butt - mostly, or trying to, anyway. :o) It reminds me of the fight between Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike in X2, which is funny, because the same woman 'plays' Deathstrike and Ookami, right? Good stuff.

Har, love the nod to Gollum. Tricksy indeed, eh? :o)

And ah, what a frantic, lovely, crazy ride back to reality - Edmund being an ass, but called on it by Peter, who hits (pun intended) upon the truth of Edmund's near-hatred. Is Edmund riding the motorcycle instead of the Fae horse a change from when I last read this ages ago? It's very cool and fits well with his wanting to get away from all things Faerie. Do I remember this part being a bit longer, too? Anyway, the only thing I might remark upon is in the very closing paragraphs where Edmund and Peter are described, but Arthur and Camilla are not - perhaps a sentence or two describing their return to 'our world' would be helpful.

Otherwise, a heart-pounding chapter that contains a few tender spots for Edmund, poor fellow, but lots of good action (Peter!) and cinematic energy and tasty angst for us.

Nice!

poor bronwyn and edmund. there but for the grace of God go I. of course, edmund handled his quite well all things considered. but it's so painful to be where bronwyn is now. to know that 'you' put out your best and that that's why you failed and every, probably, as only gotten worse. technically, theologically, her actions can only make the dark apostles stronger against her and the rest of them ultimately, as these things go. any time she exercises power enforcing her will, not His, it can only give the enemy greater strength. and it's so easy to have eustace's reaction to someone else's faults, especially it a situation like theirs. good for elizabeth, though. what a champion. she's really great.

i lent my printed out-copy of KEC the other day to a friend of mine to read over Christmas break. i'm not sure whether i love that one or this one more. they're both excellent though of course. i always get excited when i see the alert for your next chapter.

I like the revisions to this chapter than the original one. It seems to flow better and focus more on the overall plot with Elizabeth, than just about what had been happening to the Pevensies, Eustace and Jill.

The conversation with Lucy and her brothers were so much better this time. It made her seem a little more like Lucy, more human, and not completely deprived of her true personality. And I also liked how Elizabeth thought of Michael; it really helped to remember why she was sent here in the first place.

I noticed you changed the ending as well. Now I wonder if the next part will continue on in this era, or will Elizabeth end up in a different time. All the same, I look forward to the next chapter of this story.

(stares at computer screen, almost breathless) Wow. I think this chapter has to be one of the most frightening things I've read, from the desecration of Lucy to Jill's mutilation to the confrontation between Bronwyn and the Dark Apostles. 'My blood ran cold' is probably one of the most over-used phrases in the English language (sort of like 'a strong female character' is desperately overused by tv and movie writers), but it's completely apt here.

Everything rings true. . .Peter's horror and grief over what's become of Lucy (and his own actions); Bronwyn's struggle between pride, love, trust and rage; and Elizabeth watching everything almost in shock.

Well done. . .as usual!