More! Hey why don't Mona and Tanner go stay with the guys? And what's with the creepy bat dude? I think the only thing wrong with Tanner is her rambling is a bit too much. Also I'm not a big fan of Venus, but could you make her not to evil please? One last thing could you pair Tanner and Leo together, please!? Ok, take care and God bless.

Cute story! Will there be more?

It's nice to see a story where Leo has a sence of humor. So, have you thought about a sequel?

Not a one shot, no, not in any way is this a one shot. Too open-ended, and that's good, because I enjoyed reading it.

Up to you how you want Tanner to be, though, but beware of the Mary-Sue-itis. Been there, done that myself. Tanner sounds interesting and I'm sure her casual demeanor (sp?) is due to street smarts and all.

Still, she's 15, right? And, though this is very well written (I loved the snappy dialogue and crisp sentences - not as overworked as I often do with my writing), I found the immediate comfort zone between them a little to - um - comfy.

Leonardo should be warey and not so agreeable. He's far more stealthy and suspicious (tho you did indicate his wondering if her invite was a trap). I don't think he would have slept the night away in the same bed as the girl. The most he would have done would be to take up the floor - with a blanket. Too honorable to even consider laying on the same mattress with a girl he just met.

These are just my thoughts. Please know that's all that I'm sharing. I hope this doesn't come across as a flame. GAD, I hate it when I end up offending people from the reviews I leave, because it's the last thing I'm trying to do. Yet, I feel that when any of us post stories, we want honest feedback. I guess what we all end up doing is taking what advice we want and dispensing with the rest.

So, with that said, take my thoughts as one would a grain of salt. Use what you think will 'season' your stories and then toss the rest. :0)

In any event, this was an easy-to-read story with crisp dialogue, with an understated style. Loved it, in other words.

Now, I remember your other pen name - Misterfooch - and I know I have (had) a few of your stories on my fav list. But, where you seemed to have removed all of them and are now just reposting (as of last month) a few under your new name, those stories have disappeared. I'm bummed. But, I'll trust you to repost whenever you feel they're ready. If not, well, they were good reading, hence the reason why I had them on my fav list in the first place. :0)

Be blessed,
Rene'