Thank God somebody doesn't like Lindsay as much as me, i bow down to your greatness of writing a great anti-lindsay story

This is an interesting take on "Heroes." Don't worry about warning people about OOC or AU. It's not like you're a screenwriter on the show. She did ask the characters about Aiden a few times and Danny was upset so you did okay with what you wrote.

Okay, a few notes:

1. You are a good writer. Your writing style is easy to read and quite fluid. You have pretty decent grammar and your sentences flow pretty well.

2. (You knew there was a 'but' coming, didn't you? LOL) But I have to say a few things about the character portrayal, especially Lindsay. You are entitled to take characters however you want them to be, and you obviously portrayed Lindsay in a subjective light. Meaning, in "Heroes", Lindsay obviously has a lot more compassion than how you portrayed her. But that's okay; to each his or her own. You didn't like Lindsay, so you could portray her as however you thought that she was.

3. You are right. Fanfiction isn't an exact science. While I adore DL and Lindsay in general (and liked Aiden only to an extent), you are the author and you therefore have the freedom to write whatever you want to. I just suggest that you maybe put that in your summary 'This is an OOC fic' or 'This is an AU fic'. That way, if readers want to bypass it, they will, and if they want to read it, they'll read it. Don't get me wrong, I was pretty confused/upset to read this fic because it bashed Lindsay, and I really fel like her character would never be portayed that way, but you are entitled to write what you want, I suppose, just as we all are entitled to write what we want too.

Jenn

At the moment I can`t login otherwise I would have but alas.
anyways,on with the review.

I think you`re a good writer and your story reads easily but I do think some points are not fitting well.

First of all,you never explain why Lindsay is so bitchy against Danny and about Aiden.
It doesn`t make sense at all since she and Danny have a good relationship.(wether you like her or not)
Also they still have to work together and such behaviour would backfire to the both of them.
There is nothing wrong with writing out of charecter a little bit but you are doing it too much.
I personally believe you need to know a character before you can write them out of character.
Second of all they way Mac reacts doesn`t fit with his personality either.
He would never ever cry in front of his team cause for that he is too much the marine

Also the way the whole team reacted to Lindsay doesn`t go well.

And just when I thought everyone had forgotten about Aiden ...

Thank you. It's always a shame to lose hope in all FF writers because of their apparant memory loss, to the point where you hardly even come around these parts anymore, but when theres something like this waiting around for my return, it gives me this warm snuggly feeling.

So you probably think I'm crazy now, but still. It's nice to know there are still stories for people like me.

Neville.

Oh, and so you don't have to ask, "people like me" refer to Lindsay haters. I know I'm not the only one who finds her annoying past the point of Paris Hilton. Yes, DL is the one ship I won't take being shoved down my throat ... at least GSR was done tactfully.

Please don't take this as a flame, it's just my opinion.

I'm gonna be honest, the story was well written but I didn't really like it. I'm a danny/lindsay fan. And I really like Lindsay so stories where she's portrayed as a well, **, aren't really my favorites. But I think you did really good with danny's emotions.

Just make sure you understand the difference between a 'flame' and constructive criticism. A writer who can't take constructive criticism shouldn't really be posting fanfic in a public place. ;)

You've got a strong and clear writing style, but I think a little out of character to some extent: I think Mac would rather die than shed any tears in front of a member of his staff. Maybe in front of Stella in an absolute blue moon moment, but definitely not in front of any of the other underlings.

I'm not clear on WHY Lindsay would be so nasty to Danny by criticising the newly-dead, especially since she and Danny have always gotten along. She can see he's upset, why would she criticise the way Aiden did her job? The last thing most people do when someone dies is criticise them - Lindsay may have a good reason to do so, but you haven't explained it - or does that come in the next section of your fic?

Anyway I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop it. :)

Personally I thought the story was great!! You did an excellent job displaying the character's personalities. WOOT!

Well said :)I'm not a writer but love to read fanfiction and appreciate the work and time people who do write take the time to put in it. By the way I love how this story started and can't wait to read more. :)

**This is not a flame so please don't take it this way and please read the whole thing before you make judgements.

First may I say that I really liked this story. It was a real reaction and I could really connect to how you depict Danny's actions. I'm a DL fan but I have never really thought about Danny's deep reflections on Lindsay's replacement of Lindsay. You depicted his reaction to her death and Lindsay's replacement really well. I could see Danny lashing out in such a way because of how much he cares emotionally. Aiden was a good friend and he cared a lot about her. The writers never actually brought out his feelings about and I think this would be a reasonable reaction to his feelings.

Very Well Done!

Ash *I'm not the one who sent the other one ;)*