I was appreciative of Sonic reminiscing about the sharks from Ch2 in here, what with the vast expanses of that most fearsome of liquids. Although I was surprised you didn’t make more of the hydrophobia… then again, I suppose there’s nothing in the games that has him as terrified of the wet stuff as fanon generally maintains. :S

And I didn’t know what the hell was going on when Sonic suddenly met a human in Labyrinth Zone. From Green Hill onwards, this fic has been so straight-up faithful to the game, particularly with the environmental descriptions, that I was close to thinking “Was this woman really there? Did I forget something?”

And then Lara Croft.

I won’t lie to you. I facepalm’d.

But aside from arbitrary unexpected gratuitous cross-overyness, there wasn’t much in this chapter I didn’t like. Robotnik’s archaeological musings were good, and I still can’t work out what his evil Genocide-incorporating plot must be…

In general then, I love this story. You’ve got Sonic as a sort of lost and uncertain hedgehog just fighting his way through the Zones; as he no doubt would be on his first adventure. But at the same time he’s got the determination to just keep chasing and chasing after Eggman. All your pre-Green-Hill-Zone writing served to really entrench his personality. THUMBS UP.

What I will say as a means of recommending improvement: it’s not particularly fast-paced. The hedgehog is a supersonic speed-demon, but your description of his progress through the game is a chronicle of sneaking through moss-filled vaults and sitting down eating a leisurely peanut-butter sandwich in Spring Yard Zone. I don’t really get a sense of speed in the reading.

Now, the counterbalance of that is that I don’t really know what I’d want you to take out or change in the name of speedyness. The sandwich bit I mentioned above was a great bit of writing and an important slice of narrative giving us a window into Sonic’s thoughts and motivations at the whole adventure. And I certainly don’t want you to tone down the awesome environment descriptions So… even though I MYSELF can’t tell you how to give this delightful fic the little speed-boost I think would improve it even more, just bear it in mind.

Perhaps you could just have Sonic run really, really fast some more? :)

And, with reference to my review for Spring Yard Zone; I know what you mean in the author note about Labyrinth Zone. I don’t hate it so much as FEAR it down in the very pit of my soul.

As with Marble Zone, your description of Spring Yard succeeds in bringing all the long-ago memories out of abeyance at the back of my head. Getting smacked about by the bouncing spheres was a lovely little cross between game mechanics and storytelling, too. :D
Sonic braining the badnik with a length of lead pipe was sweet as well. And he goes on to carry it around with him like some sort of Sicilian mobster. LOL.

At the end: oh God. Labyrinth Zone. LABYRINTH ZONE!
D:

Also, Porker Lewis.

I ain’t going to complain about muchos dialogue, ‘cos there was at least a modicum of explaining going on in here. Robotnik’s motivations, however, remain as inscrutable as ever… :)

I thought that little foray into grass-texture discussion was amazing. The amount of attention you’ve paid to the little intricies of Marble Zone, from the subtly altered flora to holding the spike-trap down using that block on the switch, brings a big grin to my face. And the section about the grass being set on fire…
Ah, sweet, sweet nostalgia. :D

You’re a bit withering as to the combat capabilities of the pink caterpillar bots! I always found them some of the most difficult badniks in the entire game; ‘cos getting your jump exactly right to hit its head instead of its spiked segments was quite taxing. :P

After four chapters of childhood and only occasional deadly explosions, this chapter was made of win. Crazy, speedy action through-and-through; I especially liked the ride on the spinning log, with the horrible foreboding creaking noises. And then: snap, bounce, SMACK. :D

After all the descriptions you gave of the environment, I was again surprised that we had no view of Eggman through Sonic’s eyes. It’s the first time ever he gets a clear look at his arch-nemesis, and yet we get nary a mention of the Doctor’s morbid obesity or customary jumpsuit?

And you’re mystery-fying me some more. Reverting Green Hill back to its previous appearance? a) Why?, b) How?, c) :S

Not to complain unduly, but I'd feel negligent if I didn't tell you (and I only found out after I researched it BECAUSE of your Author Note); Sonic 1 is on South Island, Sonic 2 is on Westside Island. At least, that's what the source I found CLAIMS the Japanese instruction book says. Eh.

Karen seems surprisingly willing to allow her horribly disfigured and no doubt fatally irradiated son wander away from the massive kerplosion-crater on his own. Zuh?

Much enjoying the whole fiery, blood-scented ‘Robotnik Attacks’ scene.
And what’s the deal with this Genocide City mysticism? And Sonic noticing a totem-pole-dropping ‘Genocide’ itself amidst the battle haze? You have rather succeeded in confusing ME, O Queen of Plotholes.

(Although I do actually remember those totem-poles in the background of Green Hill Zone. How stupid is that? I can remember background features from the first Sonic ever, but the ENTIRE plots of Sonic Adventure 1 & 2 have fallen out of my brain. Except for Pachacamac. He rocks too much for me to forget him.)

0_o
What's Sonic doing, muscling in on Robotnik's territory!? He does seem to have some very Doctor-esque 1337 RoBoTiCz ski11z.

I thought the description of the rain-soaked bridge was really good, as were the unexpectedly starry hands.

I’m surprised at Sonic’s blasé reaction to Kintobor’s arbitrary appearance. You’ve never mentioned him running across humans before (although Station Square was mentioned, so it can’t be rigorous human-less Mobius-Fleetway)… still, I was waiting for a description that never came.

And touché on the eye-colour change. :)

So, Sonic’s eyes are brown, are they? Are you just entrenching us in pre-SA1 semi-Fleetway continuity here? ;)
Tabby’s species-confusion was a nice touch, and I liked the way you had the kids hiding in the grass and playing with a shiny ball; hits home the fact that they’re animals.

Sonic's initial love of water was good as well, keeping me on the edge of confusion right until the hydrophobia kicked in. :D

I really like the superstitious Mobians here. Loads of people seem to forget that these are ANIMALS living on ANOTHER PLANET (or at least so far in isolation in the Pacific that they may as well be). As such, they’d develop their own customs and memes… like chromatoastrophobia!
So we're off to a good start!

Based on the hints in this chapter, it sounds like you've got an interesting plot going, not to mention providing explanations for the wackiness of some zones.

It may just be me but the squirrels reminded me of Sally Acorn and Tuffty/Shortfuse from the Fleetaway series. Any inspiration taken from them perhaps?

Anyway, good job. This is getting interesting.

Heh, this brought back memories. Anyway, nice take on some of the 'taboo questions' of the Sonicverse, namely how Sonic's able to carry stuff like chaos emeralds around and why the hell the Marble Zone is seemingly designed to allow the flow of lava/magma.

One thing though is that the alternation between Sonic's speaking and thinking feels awkward at times, considering that voicing his thoughts isn't that realistic, at least in principal. Of course, having an entire chapter composed mainly of thought would probably be excessive, but even so...

Meh, it's just me. As subjective advice, I'd recoment 'voice thought' in situations like fireballs being shot, badniks approaching, etc. Wondering how far he should jump, finding chaos emeralds, etc. should be passive thought.

Still, good job.

Nice. You got the confrontation between Sonic and Robotnik down well, they're very much in character. The progression of the stage was well done overall; it's understandably difficult to produce an engrossing progression of a 2D stage, but you managed it well overall.

BTW, while Sonic 1 takes place on South Island, Sonic 2 (16 bit) takes place on Westside Island.

Interesting. You've diverted from the usual meeting with Kintobor and portrayed the effects of the shockwave on Sonic realisticly. The end seemed a bit like an add-on though, in that it was a short, ominous 'add-on' which stood in weird contrast to the rest of the innocence.

Still, good job.

Hmm. Interesting take with Sonic building the motobug and presumably the buzzbomber; not the usual allocation of skills (usually Tails gets that kind of cred), but it can still work well, especially you've seemingly set up the meaning with Kintobor...

Anyway, good job. Can't really fault it.

Cool. I like the fact you've explained Sonic's time as an orphan so well and then introduced new and believable characters. Keep it up I want to read more!