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| I Can Hear the Sea 2006-10-09 ch 1,  | abuse"Except maybe Mac" "...Or Stella," "Or Flack ..." LOL. Loved the ending. |
| brilliantly confused 2006-10-07 ch 1, | abuseOh, I so hope you continue. I love it so far! |
| dddynamite 2006-09-23 ch 1, | abuseAw I love it soo much please write more! |
| sparkyCSI 2006-09-22 ch 1, | abuseOh...You've peeked my interest. You like doing to review of their relationship from the point where they are old, don't you? Great start. Can't wait to see what comes next!! |
| The Little Corinthian 2006-09-20 ch 1, | abuseO, I like so far! That was cute! I was really confused as to who this family was (with the brother Dan and all), so when the parents started talking about the annoying New York accent and the Montana stuff, I was all 'OH! I get it! Lightbulb!' ...um, yeah :0P It's all good. Nice job, looking forward to more! |
| chili-peppers 2006-09-20 ch 1, | abuseoh wow this is great! love it! |
| Mrs. Fitzgerald 2006-09-20 ch 1, | abuseI think I am going to like this one! |
| CharmedMummy 2006-09-20 ch 1, | abuseDecent beginning. You certainly think up the most interesting names (I don't know many Athenas. ;). However, I would suggest getting a beta if you don't already have one. You don't have many problems at all, in fact I quite enjoy a story like yours that has decent grammar and good spelling that doesn't take me out of the story. But I am a nitpicker, so I will mention things like the line "I sunk down into a chair to the left of my husband, with Isabelle seated at my right." If she sat to the left of her husband, then he should be at her right, not Isabelle. And then there is "Lindsay Monroe and a man named Danny Messer, who lived in Bozeman, Montana and New York City, respectably." I think you meant "respectively," not "respectably," though as CSIs I'm sure they lived respectably also. ;) Anyway, like I said, not major problems, but sometimes if you have someone else read over your writing, they can catch things like that that you miss. Anyway, good job. :) |