Whoa wait a moment, He's only got COLD water takes a shower n doesn’t change?
Doesn’t sound like Ranma ta me.
I know, This was a job for Mr. Generic Karate Man!!
Cough, sorry.
Good story so far but it could just as well be Tenchi or some guy from dragon ball Z.

Excellent. But we still don't know anything about what happened to Ranma and who the monsters are (I guess the NWC).

Intriguing! Looking forward to more info, so I can give you some more valuable input. The writing needs polish, but you know that. Use the beta-reader option. Find a good one and use them.

But most importantly:

Write something everyday!

-JW

Too soon to tell in regards to plot-line, but quite a promising start. A nice Gothic world, Ranma having a dark and, presumably violent, past, and the entry of heavily-altered SM cast; I like it so far. If you want a proofreader/prereader, I'm available.

jimra

Very nice work... well, maybe not -nice- but certainly good. In the short amount of text thus far you've already hinted at more character depth than 95% of fics can muster.

Ranma + SM + vampires of some sort - any attempts at comedy = a very interesting start.

...and it's probably about time I posted something again as well.

Ah, I've been looking forward to this. I find that it is now much easier to read now that you've broken up the paragraphs. The chapter however is exceedingly short but enough to give us a heads-up that you're still alive. I noticed that you were using less imagery and more dialogue now, more personal and less visually narrative. You might or might not prefer to tell the story through words but it seems all the same to me, I personally prefer you strike a balance between the two but for the kind of story you're writing now, I suggest you take a bit more time to organize your thoughts and imagination into more visual or tactile imagery which are in my opinion the most effective.

Keep on writing, I'll be reading when it comes.

Interesting. This story is developing nicely. I very much look forward to where you take this.

Your characters feel real, and three dimensional. Good dialog, wel crafted action scenes. Well done angst.

Please continue!
-- Pat

Hotaru, eh? I hope she can help Ranma. He could really use it.

GBreat chapter. I really like the story. At first I thought the girl was Rei but then it turns out it was Hotaru. Can't wait for more.

I must say excelent start. Unlike other fic which tell you what is happening as sort of a narration yours is an actual story. While some might say it might be ahrd to read I decided to view the version on your site for the second chapter and it seemed easier.

What starts off as a dark fic well... I really like where this is going. Suprised you have had so few reviews for how well written this is. I guess not everyone likes this neighborhood. Do keep it up I will add you to my alerts and keep a watch.

Dark and a little twisted. It's nice.

Hm. I wonder who the girl is.

Not all that bad, from what I can tell after bein up for 24 hours... so its probably a bit better than that, or worse. Whatever.

Anyways, your writing isn't half bad and quite enjoyable, but your paragraphs are much too big. Try hitting that nifty "enter" key a little more often - not only does it make the text look like more, but it also enables us, the readers, to digest your text a lot easier. It's a bit like eating - small bites are bad, medium bites are just right and you'll choke on a bite that's too big. That's what happened to me - I downright lost interest in the middle of a paragraph. And I usually read loads.

So far.

Wow. this is Dark, and nice. I LOVE IT!

Okay, first things first.

1. Your descriptions are adequete, I felt that it enriched the reading, it didn't make it boring or slow it down for me. Quite often I am annoyed by "explained" events rather than "shown" events that hound so many amateur attempts at writing. Your fic didn't give me that bother, so I'd say stick with the description.

2. Your structure irked me a bit. Your paragraphs are too long and tightly compacted making it a tad hard to read. My advice is to have for each descriptor or dialogue a paragraph, instead of fitting several into one. It's much easier on my eyes and I assume the same for others.

3. The plot is not rife with clichés! Thats the most important thing to me for having a workable story. Grammar and spelling and all that can always be fixed after you wrote it, but your proofreaders and what not can't make it good. Usagi doesn't fall instantly for Ranma, which would have bothered me if she did, cause it's an overused plot device. I like where you're taking it and it seems to be an original idea.

Keep on going with this, but may I suggest that you write them more often because having large gaps in between updates may make you lose the continuity of the plot.

Usagi saveing Ranma is a diffent spin on things. I have had my intrest piequed.