and yet he was not were he once was
should be
where

Dude, this is really good!

You've written a great Dark!Harry story! You qught to add more to it!

Sounds like fun :)

this is a pretty cool story and i enjoyed reading it. It was well written with proper grammer punctuation and spelling unlike some other stories i've read. I do hope you keep updating this story, it's pretty cool

Oh , I like it.
I hape that there will be a bloody lot ot revenge.
Good very good.
Thanks.
Take care

NIcol

Wonderful, simply wonderful! Update soon, love to see what happens next!

VENGENCE SHALL BE HIS!

its good update soon

It was probably not your intention, but this definitely felt rushed. Perhaps you just wanted to begin the crossover, but the changes that are occurring are too rapid and numerous. Truly, you must have wanted to emphasize vengenance. However, you should slow down a bit - you can always trim words, but adding requires very careful modifications.

I look forward to another update.

Hey!

I was just reading your 'Advise Needed' thread on DLP. That was rather brave of you :)

So, I just breezed over 'Keeper Potter'. Let me say this first - you are a hell of a lot better than most people on ff(dot)net ... but I can see how it is hard to follow. The three points that stick out most in my mind are these:

- You use a lot of big words. A lot of readers out there don't have big enough brains to digest them. There's nothing wrong with this, of course, but you might want to consider toning down a little. Sometimes simple is better. Think about it - your audience would mostly consist of teenage girls, not brain surgeons.

I have a post-it stuck to my laptop at the moment that says C (standing for Clear and Concise avoids Confusion).

- Your sentences are often too long, and commas are missing. You need more pauses so that the words can flow. Also, varying sentence lengths might be advisable.

- Sometimes the wording is a little weird. I know someone mentioned this already, but reading (especially dialogue) out aloud might help.

Honestly, you're doing a great job. I wouldn't say you needed a beta or anything, just keep in mind a few tips people hand you. It can only get better from there.

Good luck, and do keep it up :)

xxoo

Something that really annoyed me was that Ron's supposed to be close to Harry in terms of power. Other than that, great!!

lol this is retarded.

will Harry be written as a dark lord who kills all? or a person who is just seeking revenge?

cool