Please continue. I'm really want to know what's happens. And if you're interested, please check out my DC/CC fanfic "What If?" and please R/R.

I love this chapter!

Richard's doing better XD and you're a female! Hee Hee.

Pretty good.

It's just so sad...

Poor Richard...

Oh no. Richard/Kogoro is sick...he is? I gress i have to read on to see what's happen.

I saw a small error. Kogoro knows that Eri still wears her ring.


In volume 17 (and during a case where a girl was bitten by a sea snake), Eri is not wearing her ring, and Kogoro says they need to "talk". Later, it turns out that she lost her ring in the sand, and Kogoro wanted to give it back to her in private.

wow...the outline is actually pretty good...but ya something is missing...and it really isnt right if u dont have that something in ur writing...gomen, just sharing my opinion.maybe cause everything is happening 2 fast...

Okay, my review as Ivory Petals before was stupid and senseless, and so I'll try to criticize you now.

"...a tanned teenage male" sounds, well, bad. You could make it a tanned teenager or a tanned male, but a tanned teenage male sounds bad. Indeed, readers are smart enough to know that the guy was a male, since you state "he" right after, and knowing Heiji, he, of course, is a teenager. At least, try to use more words to describe things, but don't overdescribe like last time. Your two majore weaknesses are overdescription and lack of description...oh, and before I forget, bluntness and a straight-to-the-point writing style. Please change that.

Also, you said you didn't care much about clothing, then why did you bother blabbering so much about Heiji and Kazuha's? You could talk about the usual Sax cap, but I'm not sure if it's quite necessary to describe the others. But then, I suppose other people like imagining what clothes look like. Oh well.

I also noticed that you used many a parenthesis in this chapter--unusual, since you usually use dashes (which, by the way, look better).

'Ran was the first to approach the aquamarine-eyed woman. “We’d like to use the hot springs, please.”

“Is this only for today, miss?” the ebony-haired woman enquired.'

Aquamarine-eyed and ebony-haired...too repetitive. You could use other ways of referring to her or describing her, but I've found you to be guilty of the charges of repetitiveness way too often...bad girl!

Anyway, that's all I could find at the moment. I hope you found it useful, neechan!

Sincerely,
Soundless Melody

PS: Too many Japanese words...it almost sounds like you're bragging of your knowledge!

Let me guess.

Kogoro dies, and since he was playing something vigorous, rigor mortis quickly sets in. His ping pong hold remains umovable, and Ran shoots him above the ear while wearing gloves and puts the gun in his hand to pretend that it was suicide. They see no evidence, and so they run off and don't get caught. No smart detective (Shinichi and Heiji, for that matter)wants to help in solving the case. Conan kisses Ran in delight.

Ran takes cocaine. She drinks beer, and one time she actually ran around Beika with only her lingerie while screaming: "Conan killed my father!" Much to Conan's dismay, he was put to jail after fifteen years.

What's good is, Ai is able to come up with an antidote for liver cirrhosis. What's bad is, they don't need it anymore since he's already dead.
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Just kidding!

Hopefully you will take off that chunky paragraph that turned readers off in chapter two and replace it with a smaller paragraph. I suppose your style's improving? I don't really know.

I also envy you for knowing so many Nihongo words.

Update soon!

-Ivory

Whoa, didn't see that coming!! Update soon, you hear?!! I gotta see more of this. I also hope I'll get a review from you soon. I've updated "Note to Lunch" and "Good Friends?"
--Mathew

hi..:)..i liked your story..most people never regard kogoro's importance in the anime at all,and it's good to know someone sees him as more than a no-good bum..although your step-by-step description of their journey to kogoro's room was a little too much. the paragraph became longer than necessary,so you need to work on that. good luck with all your other stories!!

P.S
your sister genica told me to read your stories and i'm glad i did. you're good. :)

Oh, I'm aching to know what she saw. Will this lead to a plot twist? Maybe she'll see a doctor, or Heiji, or Kazuha, or Kogoro? Update soon and don't leave us hanging.

Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Here's my review. Accept it as a gift.

PS: You don't have to go all crazy with having one spelling error. Really, there isn't a need to keep on editing whenever you see a teeny mistake. It's actually irritating.

You waste too much time and too many words on unnecessary details. We don't need to know about the doctor flipping a sign or what colour the key he inserts into the door is. These things are irrelevant. Stick to what's important when writing.