Okay, so I disappeared for a few months. But I'm back...I'm not really sure WHY I was gone for so long...but anyway, to the point.

I know this chap was short but I still enjoyed it. Especially the description about Redcliff's mouth "opened wide as if to swallow" Kiera. The only "complaint" I have is that you kept switching tenses. But that's okay...it still made sense.

Update soon! Again, sorry about my absence...

Dusk

Oh, wow. Lovely chapter. Cliffie, though! And thanks for using the bit I wrote. Did you like it?

A few comments. I like the transition from Mara's pain to Kiera's, as if she paid the price for comforting her mother. Favorite bit:

She grit her teeth and twisted the hand into its proper position. Bones cracked, nerves were on fire and she felt like plunging the hand into Ecl’s icy waters to numb the pain. Nahun put a hand on hers to stop her but she continued, shaking and sobbing with the pain.

“Stop!” Mara cried.

“I can’t be reminded! I can’t!” Kiera shook her head and jerked from Mara’s arms, a scream and a sound like cracking twigs echoing in the woods.

Kiera's masochistic pain when she twisted her hand was so REAL.

One thing I didn't get: how come all of a sudden Nahun and Mara trust Kismet? Maybe you could explain that more in the next chappie...or if Mara doesn't trust him, have her disobey and go into Ecl after them?

Just suggestions. Great chap!

Dusk

Oh, loved this chapter! Amazing style. Dialogue and description was great. Esp the part where Kismet danced and Kiera fought with herself over picking up the scarf. This was very good.

I had an idea for a tiny bit to start you off on the next chapter...I'll PM it to you, okay?

Great job as always and update soon!

Dusk

So it's been...what, 4 months since you posted this, and I'm just reading it now? So sorry! I'm embarrassed at how behind I am at reading fanfictions. Anyway...

I realy like this chapter. Nice character development on Kismet. Especially the insistence that Mara will give in to making love with Nahun. I found that funny but tragic at the same time, because he SO does not know his own daughter. And poor Kiera! She took so much upon herself!

Update soon! How's life? It's been so long!

Aw, good job! A very sad chapter. But it presented Selah as someone who is brave and holds knowledge in her for the good of others. She needed to tell someone; she just needed someone to ask. I'm glad! But poor Kiera. Can't wait to see what happens next! I love the dialogue. Very sweet, comforting, natural. Wow, I forgot that Kismet meant Fate, but I remember now. It just came to my head without thinking; I'd picked it a while ago to put in a list of names for future characters. Awesome. Update soon!

Dusk

Wow. Great great great chapter! Could totally feel the panic and the sadness. Wow.

I didn't speak at first, just watched my breathing match his and splayed my fingers over his knuckles to stop their trembling.

He kissed my curls and I could feel the cold fear bleed from his body.

Those are my two favorite parts. I just love "splayed my fingers" and "cold fear bleed from his body." Great lines!!

One question: why did Nahun smell "something burning and rotting flesh?"

Tomorrow's my last day of school. I should have time to write that scene after that. Update soon!
Dusk

Oh gosh...save Kiera! Ah!

This was wonderful! The style, I mean. What happened is making me want to cry lol. Good reaction! Good!

Her throat closed in a sob, her face crumpling up to shut in the tears.

I followed her, relishing in the coldness of Ecl’s black waters, of her ice. I pulled myself onto the ice and breathed in the scentless air, the quivering breath that escaped in an exhale heavy with fatigue.

She let a cry escape her lips, and knocked me aside again with her wing, the force of the blow left me winded, sent me skidding precariously close to the edge. I lifted myself up with a groan and blinked as a warm liquid dribbled down into my eyes and onto the ice. I bowed my head and looked at the droplets of blood. “Iris…” My speech was slurred and it was hard to keep Iris in focus as she came towards me, a smirk on her face.

Those are all my favorite parts. I especially like the words "crumpling," "an axhale heavy with fatigue," "sent me skidding precariously close to the edge," and "my speech was slurred." Such descriptive word choice!

Keep up the great work.
Dusk

Wow. I am finally caught up!

You have to update. This is wonderful!!

Can't put best parts in here because that whole chapter was really great. The dialogue, especially, was really realistic. Didn't sound awkward or forced or anything. And congrats on developing the inner conflict Iris experiences. That's hard to execute more times that not. So great job!

Luv Dusk

Aw, that was soo beautiful! Not to mention the fact that I'm glad Iris is still alive. One thing to say: make sure you say in one tense; you kept switching from past to present. It's okay though, I gotcha.

Okay, best parts:

"My adoptive parents were, compared to Ecl where I’d spent most of my childhood, the most magical example of perfectly flawed beauty. Others had said that Mara was crazy, had been crazy once, but looking at her now, all I see is a woman glad to see her mate." So cute! Love the explanation.

"Iris’s head lolled to face me. Her skin was a sickly bluish-white, her lips a purplish-black. Her hair was plastered across her face, once blown free by the wind—I stumbled back, shocked. But the saddest sight was her wings, they were twisted, broken, the beautiful, lush, golden feathers torn away by the wind." So vivid, so...wow. I grimaced when I read this, actually jerked back from the computer. Great reaction to a great bit of writing!

"Ironic how one twin is careful, yet the second is reckless, so ironic how one twin will soar yet the sky betrayed another and left her grounded." It's as if they complete each other! I love it!

Next one...

Ahno! *cries* I love Iris! But I guess it had to happen.

Great emotion in this one. Love how Harlin blushes and gets uncomfortable at the whole body contact thing. You're doing such a great job!

Oh my gosh! No, she can't be dead! Ahh!

"...but her mind felt as if something had withered within her, something that had shared the womb with her." Very lovely--but horrid, because of the meaning--description! Withered. I really like that.

Gotta go to the next one! Great job!

Aw, nice chap! I love how the descriptions of Barian flying pulled me into his character. I could pretend that I was him, that I actually had sand underneath my belly. Great job! Next chap...

Aw, I LOVED that. It was amazing. Again, I love Kiera. Best parts:

"Kiera Ailbhe. Now my whole name sounds like someone of high stature, who has a purpose in her life. It doesn’t sound like my name. I am just Kiera."

Her words are so simple, but powerful!

"I walk to Mara’s side and climb into her lap. She wraps her arms around me, strokes my hair, and I feel a surge of warmth settle within me—I feel safe. Her second heartbeat—Ecl’s lullaby—comforts me."

You portrayed Mara the way she's longed to be for ages--a protector, the way she was to Karma, the way she can be to Kiera now. It keeps her sane, to care for someone else. So that was great! And I just love how you incorporate my poems into your chapters. They work so perfectly, which is amazing! Update soon! Let me know if you need any scenes!

Dusk

*huge squeal of delight* AHH! I LOVE NAHUN! Haha I dunno if I should be this happy that he asked Mara to marry him...it's almost as if he asked ME. Well, I guess that makes sense, since she's my character, but still...AW! And I loved that scene between the two of them. So cute. Not only that, but it showed that they still have some getting used to, still have virtues, and Mara is still a virgin. Haha. But your style was beautiful in this chap, just so you know. Like always. Can't wait until you get a scene in with Mara and Kiera--I want to know what she thinks about all of this. Update soon! You're doing such a great job!

Dusk

Aww, lovely chapter. You finished up the scene nicely...but I have a question: are they going to adopt Kiera or not? I guess I'll have to wait for the next chapter because it was...A CLIFFHANGER! AH! Haha jk. But still. Favorite favorite part(s):

Sheila plopped back onto the bed, put elbows on her knees, and rubbed her temples. I watched her close her eyes, drag a hand down her face. Her eyes seemed bloodshot, face craggy like wet parchment, posture wilting. In that moment, the woman seemed very old. Ancient.

That was just an awesome description. Totally captures what she looks like, and feels like, and everything!

I took a seat on the bed and Nahun dragged the chair from the desk over to the bed. I drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, waiting for Nahun to start.

Don't know why I loved that image so much, but I did! Great job! So now you have to update soon, because I need to know what happens!! lol. Oh, and I'm thinking...when you decide whether they adopt her or not, can I write the scene with Selah? PM me!

Dusk