Great work on this piece! Though I haven't a clue about the characters - having never read the original story - I liked it a lot. The deceptive, slightly dark tone of the beginning was a nice contrast to the cheerful ending :) Very nice twist!

Nice job with this piece, although I'm a little unfamiliar with the characters involved. I had thought Momoko was being chased early on in the story, but I guess she was just in a hurry. A nice drabble, though not very informative, but that's just my humble and easily discarded opinion though *grins*.

happy Barthdhay to u
Revenge is mine BWahahaha

take tat

Ha!
I love how you started out. I could picture it so clearly in my head, even expected a fiendish stalker to grab her in the mist, just like you intended, 'sleepy sun': I liked that...a few grammatical mistakes, but ah whatever, I liked the twist, very sweet, and even though I'm not familiar with the OC, I still liked how you built up the suspense and ended on that note. Overall, very good! I like your description of the characters' behaviour, again, since I dont know about the OCs, it may not have the same impact, but still, nicely done.

^_^

Very cute! Momoko reminded me of a rabbit, the way she'd pause and dash and the way she was so careful as she went on her way. It was a relief to know it wasn't because she was being pursued by an evil villain!

The girls' playful teasing was very sibling-ish.

Good oneshot!

Ooh, this is deliciously cute and funny! I love the change in tone and the trick you played on us, starting off like she was escaping and ended with it just being a game between two good friends.

I think you not only achieved the theme astoundingly, but you did a great job on Momoko and Nana themselves.

I'm glad in this tale the two of them found a place to belong together and be happy.