Nice...and sad...

Simplistic writing? It was beautiful, really. And I can totally picture Artemis using silogisms and logic to try to understand attraction. In fact, I think he's going to have trouble growing up, what will happen when he can no longer be cool and composed? Hormones will mean trouble for Artemis. Lol.
Cheers,
- Alex.

Yep. It's horrid. Its disgusting. It's pathetic. Its realy really really really bad. It's absolutely not up to scratch Alde, just not up to scratch.



-z-

'bon anniversaire and all that jazz' i luv how u switch between secret intelligence and then random slang ;P it just amuses me. an di like the idea of a lost romance. haha and its kind of sad how he falls in love with someone he's only met for 10 minutes. but its like that book.. 'the five ppl u meet in heaven' or four or something. u dont really have to know a person to change their lives. i like the creepiness of that thot. but sometimes its like 'agh probability!' newho im not even really reviewing the story.. i liked how u seperate things out into diff sections. it keeps it from sounding like a run-on oneshot. u get four diff complete thots instead of a bunch of thoughts meshed together and still trying to make sense in teh monologue. the best part was the breathing part tho. i think it was imp. for u to parallel 'love', which most ppl consider really complicated, to breathing, since thats usually considered simple. and the 'plays of a land..' part. reminds me of this one beatles song.. that i need to buy on itunes NOW

Considering your style, this is a very simplistic piece, agreed on that. But, compared to the common conscious writer, this is very good. So far, it's the clearer, simpler thing I've read from you, and it's perfectly digestable for the average reader, so don't fret, no one's going to think it's bad. It reminds me of my own (rediculous) drabble 'Socialite'; kind of the same plot, really.

*grins*

Lovely. Now when are you gonna write us(read:me!)a perky A/J? :p

Hellos. *enjoys jazz* [/bad]

It's more comprehensible than usual: and your work... it always seems less developed - to use BK's word - when it's more comprehensible.

It's more raw, and less wrapped in the complxity of its own metaphor and imagery (than usual), and I like that, even if it comes across as more shallow.

Meh, that's a rubbish review.

Not too bad. A bit emo, and undeveloped, but its not like I can talk, really. Not as bad as you think it is, certainly.