|Reviews for LOVES HELLFIRE|
| Ankh117 1/6/07 . chapter 14
Yes! Kale and Aya are back together again.
| Silver Lazurite 12/31/06 . chapter 13
That's a good chapter! And I agree, your grammer and spelling are getting better, expect there are a lot of 'soles' instead of 'souls' flying around...
The story's getting more interesting than ever; I really like it. Thanks for your special note too! :)
| 10joinfei 12/31/06 . chapter 13
Cliffie! YAY! well kinda! happy new year!
Zane Dosnt sleep with a shirt? man i gotta see that... and ATTICUS YOUR AN IDIOT (a hot idiot but none the less...)
If you got my PM... send me 1... if u didnt... well then i'll post it in a review for you... u update really fast!
| valkyrievamp289 12/31/06 . chapter 13
hey, this is a good chapter and i like the Zane and Atticus wrestling part. i'm imagining it and i think it's cute. you are getting better and better and i am proud of you.
you're spelling and grammar is getting better but for this chapter i think you continuously mispelled "hear" for "here"
but this is a great chapter! keep up the good work!
| valkyrievamp289 12/30/06 . chapter 12
what a nice chapter! you are getting very very very good! i want to write a story with you! sorry if this review's quite short, my dad is telling me to quite the computer for a moment.
| Silver Lazurite 12/29/06 . chapter 11
I like this story! The storyline's so unpredictable and I like how you keep turning the character's personalities over and over and still makes sense.
Personally it wouldn't matter to me if Kale or Aya dies... I feel sympathetic towards Aya because my father's family also wanted a boy and not a girl, and I think my parents divorced when I was about 3. But Aya seems to have taken it really, really hard, and even if she's not dead at the end of the story her background problems would be huge.
Jaden's in for some deep trouble now, isn't he? I wonder how are you going to deal with the Alexis/Jaden/Zane affair because I think Kaiser won't be happy about everything, not happy at all...
| valkyrievamp289 12/29/06 . chapter 11
this is a great chapter!
i congratulate you for being able to make up for that kinda weird previous chapter! oops! sorry about that.
but if this were planned or not i congratulate you for having such a great mind! and also one thing, i'm having a problems with my email that i won't be able to read any private messages so if you want to tell me anything, find a story i just wrote and review.
i have a new story; Want To Play A Game? It's About Seduction.
you can read and review it!
| Ankh117 12/29/06 . chapter 11
Wow that was different than what I thought would happen. It's cool that Alexis forgives Jaden. For a moment there I thought Zae was going to murder Jaden.
| 10joinfei 12/29/06 . chapter 10
Yes! i got home and my internet is working...
since i was in Utah i really havent been on the computer so Merry belated christmas! yay!
it was kinda Out of caracter how jaden was talking, zane too... but you should keep going
oh man,kill Aya... (death to the sorta sue!)
| Ankh117 12/28/06 . chapter 10
Poor Jaden! T-T. What if something were to happen to Jaden?
| valkyrievamp289 12/28/06 . chapter 10
hey...well i don't know where to start
first of all i'd like to commend you for being able to show this bad side of Aya. and i like the way you made kale react. it was really pretty obvious and i congratulate you for that.
i want to talk to you about the last part of this chapter...
i think you were trying to put some sort of explanation if not a twist to the story but...
the explanantion you placed didn't really pass. Yes, Jaden is indeed an idiot but he is the type who would only air out his feelings about dueling. or about food. and would only do the most impossible things for the sake of the welfare of others, his friends and for dueling.
whatever the reason is, he would NEVER do anything stupid for a girl...
think about it...jaden would not have removed the sign and set Alexis or Zane up, but he would have challenged Zane in a duel or Alexis. He said it in the anime himself; the only way a person will fully know another is through dueling.
he isn't the type of person who talks negative about others. it just won't fit. Especially to a girl. Jaden wouldn't talk bad about kale in front of his girlfriend. he'd rather talk to her about food. Jaden was quite out of character. and it was not really pleasing, i have to be frank.
but i think you can do something about this. You don't really need to edit this chapter but i think you have to make up for it in the next chapter.
But hey don't be angry or depressed or dishearted. this is just a chapter and it's a problem that's easy to solve. it's either you edit this chapter or make up in the next chapter. maybe you can write something interesting. a duel perhaps?
but i just want to tell you...
this is still ONE OF THE BEST STORIES i have ever read and i think you just need to improve one or two things and then you'll be called a pro.
good luck and keep up the good work!
| valkyrievamp289 12/25/06 . chapter 9
hey quite a short chapter but a good one.
maybe you should work out spelling but i don't really care about that. i just thought it would make your story more clear for people.
anyway, i just want to inform you if you haven't read it yet.
my story, the Twin's Effect, is finished. its kind of a dramatic ending but its a good one. i can tell. so read and review and i will also continue reading your stories!
i would like you to know that i already won my bet and my brother is not so pleased by hell do i care.
suits him right for challenging me! LOL
thanks for reviewing! You saved my 20 bucks!
| 10joinfei 12/18/06 . chapter 8
-should I have Zane marry Alexis in the end
Chea duh you should!
Oh thanks for the shoutout (sangorulz... dont ask inside joke)
oh i changed my mind... Kale kill Aya... i like it better
Oh i owe you thanks... i kinda used a simmalar idea to the bloodmoon acadamy thing (aya's past) for an english journal... and its getting published in my schools litaraty magazine...lol
| valkyrievamp289 12/18/06 . chapter 8
first of all thanks for the shout out.
anyway, i think i recognize the kale-killing-aya vote. was that mine?
also, i think that you pretty rushed your story but maybe you can make that a nice twist. you know, a twist always makes a story nice.
maybe you can make what happened to Alexis and Zane only a temporary effect. one of them must go back to being back or being brainwashed.
maybe the brotherhood might realize that Zane was a powerful tool in defeating the bloodmoon students and that he losing was only due to his feelings for alexis. or it may be Alexis being brainwashed from time to time for the bloodmoon students to get information about the brotherhood from Zane.
one of them must stay good though. so that the feelings (hurt, desperation, angst, disappointment etc.) will be projected. one of them might share their own personal feelings about what is happening to their partner in one chapter.
hm, maybe aya will go on going out with other guys but this won't be a serious relationship. it should look like she is just using the new guy. (to show how bad she is) and then kale asks her about it for one moment in a serious or funny matter whatever you want.
i don't think its nice for the story to end in a marriage because its too boring and predictable. also, it ends the story with a PERIOD.
NEVER EVER END YOUR STORY IN A WAY WHERE A PART TWO CANNOT BE INSERTED!
if you don't want Alexis or Zane to die to make it more dramatical, you can end it by finally removing the evil spell cast on all the bloodmoon students and also the brotherhood and a few days later, Zane and Alexis would be standing on their usual spot by the lighthouse or cliff looking out to the sea, holding hands and hoping for a better future.
stories that end in weddings, engagements, making a family sucks. i assure you. very few stories with that kind of ending survive into being published and reviewed nicely.
you can also end it by a hug, a kiss or a letter. a death or the sudden disappearance of a character.
that will make a nice ending and also a nice re-entry for a part two/three.
i still vote on Kale killing Aya. there is nothing more dramatic than someone to kill someone they love because of love.
| 10joinfei 12/16/06 . chapter 7
okay... kill kale...
love the cliffie but you must update!
good luck with history!