Keiko is a Mary-Sue. I’m sorry.

Your grammar could use a beta, and you interrupted the flow with Author’s Notes, seems to be your weakness.

i.e.: “Rather than going all teary-eyed, she had slapped him hard, cursed him (along with a lecture on how weak he was), then left.”

You could change it to: “Rather than going all teary-eyed, she had slapped him hard, cursed him, lectured him on how weak he was, and then left in a huff.”

cool ,, I like it and I wonder if you are going to write more fic like this one^^

Interesting... I like the idea that he could learn to move on from another rather than in the other fanfics where he stays upset until Hikaru and Kaoru get together or something (Of course, HikaxKao are like my favourite couple...) Anyway, I also think your character Keiko is very interesting... did you make her tough so she would somewhat represent Hikaru? It kind of came across that way to me.. good job, all in all :)