Reviews for Something More

Reviews For: Something More - Reviews: Page 1 of 12

outsidrnluv 2008-07-22 ch 21,	abuseomg!! i love this story you have to keep finishing it. I can't wait!!
AnImEfReAk4994 2008-07-01 ch 21,	abuseAwesome story!! Keep Writing
cue.dramatic.gasp. 2008-06-14 ch 7,	abuseNot to be rude, because this is a good story, but wasn't the last part from "A Walk To Remember?" Lol. . .
Troyella07 2008-06-11 ch 21,	abuseah... i loved it except for the fact Soda didn't tell her! ah. i still loved it tho. :)
qwerty 2008-06-11 ch 21, anon.	abusegasp how dare you! you write a brilliant story, SO good that i didnt review every chappie JUST because i HAD to know what would happen in the next chappie, and NOW, you leave me and your faithful fans ALONE, in THE DARK? yeah,. i'm serious. usually, i review EVERY CHAPTER. i really only have three main times i dont reivew: (1) Its 3 in the morning and i have to wake up at 6 and my mom is gonna wake up ANY SECOND to yell at me. (2) My emotions are messed up. I'm too sad, angry, zombie-like from sleep deprevation - whatever it is. I dont like to accidentaly let my feelings talk in my reviews. I really try to be serious. (but I'm like Soda - no, not a mean jerk or ** - I get drunk of off life. Its scary sometimes to see how giddy i get and it shows in my reviews) (3) The story is SO good, that i dont want to have to stop and take the time to review, 'cuz I HAAVE TO read the next chapter, which is the case with your story! Yes, SOMETIMES, i WILL still review every chap for AWESOME stories but thats cuz i'm a loyal reader and i well, lemme just put it this way - I'm weird! =) okaay, moving onto ur story. I have to say that in the beginning, you were not the best of writers. However, i saw that as the story progressed, your maturity as a writer has developed and your pretty good!! I know that you've been doing this for fun, but from ur author notes, it seems like you still take this seriously and you take pride in what you do. I'd like to applaud at you for your maturity and for never letting go. Dang, girl - you got props for goin 21 chapters and NOT SAYING, "Oh, screw this - I'm gonna quit." =) Anyway, at times, your chapters were choppy and it seemed like there was too much dialougue and not enough life. Your writing kept fluctuating. Though your writing HAS gotten better, I see great potential in you and i think that after 21 chapters, its time to break thru. Even if you only have a couple more chapters, I suggest making a few additions. (1) EMOTION You HAVE emotion! You talk about butterflies and expressions, etc. NOW, its time to step it up a notch. Your emotions is great, 'cuz you say WHAT a certain emotion makes a person do. dally looked at his hands and soda ran his fingers thru his hair SHYLY. you include a lot of detail and thats great, but play around w/ it and give it an extra "OOMPH" factor. You have to get that last kick that makes the reader feel what the characters are feeling. You want the readers to go, "WOW. That was beautifully written and wonderfully expressed. I could seriously feel their heartache." Now, when i say playy around w/ it, i mean use different words, add a couple scentences, and put urself in the character's postiion and think "What would I be FEELing at that point?" (2) DETAIL To add a bit more life, add a bit more detail. It is truly, truly a WONDERFUL thing that you dont squish everything into one huge paragraph. Also, you DO have detail in between ur paras. However...okay, its hard to explain. Um, you cant just have line, after line, after line of dialogue. You gotta have something more. Like i said, try and give life to the situations. You have become better about this as the story progresed, which is good. Also, i'm not saying to stuff your chapters with detail - that might not be your style. But, i suggest adding a bit more "OOMPH." THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU and YOUR STORY: (1) How you includea song lyric at the top of every chapter! It fits the chaper and it shows that you really do care about the work you do. It shos that ur dedicated and you take time to make you and ur readers happy! (2) Your plotline! Even though ur writing wasnt the best at the beginning, it was your plotline that had captivated me and made me in love with your story!! I LOVE SISTER FICS! and i love the little twists you'd put in there (Sandy tele convo.) ops, gotta go!
bloo ducki 2008-06-11 ch 21,	abuseI am tired of your mind games! I NEED to know how Soda feels about her. gr... Please hurry up and update!1
Phoenix Feather Queens 2008-06-10 ch 21,	abusei'm glad you added more! love the new chapter!
halogurl10 2008-06-09 ch 21,	abusei'm dieing to know what soda said. this is an awesome story. i love that she refers to sandy as HER os SHE. poor liz. i will be looking for the next update.
SisterCat144 2008-04-11 ch 20,	abusesuch an evil cliff hanger! lol sorry i ain't reviewed in awhile...been kind of busy. plz update soon! =D
lalajonas 2008-03-01 ch 20,	abuseupdatee now! cliffhangers are so not cool =]
Skeledog Lover 2008-02-19 ch 20,	abuseGah!! Cliffhangers are evil!! Great story, though. Please update as soon as you can! :)
Only4Miken 2008-02-17 ch 20,	abuseway to leave a cliffy. that so is not nice.
Rae 2008-02-15 ch 20, anon.	abuseGASP! Oh my godness UPDATE! That was so good and I wanna know what happens.:)
Lost But Found 2008-02-12 ch 20,	abuseI liked this chapter. It's great to see that you're making the effort to improve your writing, because there aren't many authors that would do that. You've improved even more, and it's evident that you're trying. There's only a few things... 1. A lot of the time, you're using fragments. Usually, it's two words and then a period. When Johnny was talking to Liz about his grandmother, there were about five fragmented sentences for what could have been a comfortable, correct two. Just watch that you're using the punctuation correctly. Also, in that same sentence, Johnny suddenly switches from talking about his grandmother to the foster parent Liz is staying with, and I was really lost. You could add in something about Johnny looking back at the house and then at Liz, and then have him saying it, and it would have made a lot more sense. A few places you missed an apostrophe, so just be careful and that will not be hard to fix. 2. There was one line that I really had a problem with. "...talked about foster care and about how Dally had thrown Pony in trashcan for no reason. " First off, Soda would never joke about that because Pony is his brother. I'd imagine that he would be pretty ** off about it, seeing as it was for apparently no reason. That's the other thing I've got a problem with. Dally and Pony are in the same gang, meaning that even if Dally doesn't really like him that much, which I think he actually does, then he wouldn't be stupid enough to take that out on a fourteen-year old kid, not to mention one in the same gang. Also, I've got this feeling that Darry wouldn't take too lightly to that happening, especially if Pony didn't do anything. It's basically the fact that they are in the gang, and no matter what else Dally does lack in compassion, he does have a lot of loyalty to them, and wouldn't treat them like trash without a reason. 3. "Johnny and I were pretty good friends, but I hadn’t seen him around in quite a while. I kind of had a built up anger towards him for being the person my brother confided in, but I knew it wasn’t his fault. " First off, you're contradicting yourself. If they were pretty good friends, then why would she build up an anger toward him for something she didn't blame him for? Also, it states in the book that Johnny is the puppy of the group, and that practically no one could be mad at him. So, I just can't really see that Liz could be mad at Johnny. And up until now, Liz has never showed signs of caring that Dally confides in someone else besides her, also because they don't really have that kind of relationship and she's said that. I didn't really see where that was coming from. You did a good job with this chapter, like I said, you're making an effort to get better and it shows. If you stop using fragments and watch your punctuation, you'll have a really good writing technique, because your writing is already pretty well developed. There's only a few things that you actually need to work on, and they are all easy to fix.
xOraclex 2008-02-11 ch 20,	abuseAh! Cliff hanger! Can't wait for more (: Please update soon!

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