I would like to see a day in the life of Linck and the other two's life in school being the adopted son of the famous Renton?

this story was beautiful. I loved it, it was very well written. keep up the good work and update soon.

that was a really good chapter! update soon! i love this story it's cute

Hm.
I like it. Good despcription, and narrative.
Keep it going.
:]

aw kawai!

dude...that was awesome...update soon!

This story is great so far, but when you were describing Renton's room you should have said something like "it seemed like yesterday when the love of my life burned it down with a flameflower."

Oh, good! I thought I was the only one who thought her was green. This seems to be a great story so... favorites.

POV: First Person
Perspective: Renton
Tense: Past


All right, that was a very good story. There were a few problems I noticed, and some things that are just differences of opinion.

Personally, I felt that the first person POV really threw me off, and made it much harder to get into the story. After you get used to watching something where you can see everything, it is a little hard to suspend disbelief when you can only see from one person's perspective, but that is just my opinion.

An important thing to remember is that all those adverbs and diferent ways of saying "said" can be killers. If you have written the dialogue as you want it, then your reader should be able to tell how it is being said by the characters. You should show the reader what you want them to see, and not tell them. Don't add words to pad the wordcount. If you read over a snetence and find it changes little if you remove a word, then remove it. This will give you're writing more punch, and help to draw the reader in. After all, a lot of readers skim right over: ," he said./," he informed her.

Also, in first person, people don't generally state their every action, they tell what they see/hear/etc, not what they are doing, except in very genreal terms. And, is it just me, or did a certain someone's hair color change? Lastly, I have one example of something a kid would never say in the first person: "My eyes shifted over to the girl next to me." No offense, but that is just ridiculous. A fifteen year old would say something like: "I looked over at the girl next to me." I hope you see what I mean. Find the easiest way to say something that is in character, especially in first person.

If you've read any other reviews by me, you'll not feel singled out for a harsh critique.=) It was still a good story, even if Renton seemed a little off.

It was enjoyable anyways shouldnt Renton be 16 not 15

I thought it was very well done. No kid would want to go back to a normal life after the stuff Renton's been through, and you hit that nail right on the head. Also, it seems like every one of the fanfics now has to have a sex scene between Renton and Eureka, and it's a nice refresher to see that gone from this fic (Not to say that's a bad or good thing, but...). The language was also not so monotonic that I got bored with it, so that was good also. Overall a refreshing break from the standard fanfic. Look for mine coming soon, called "Symphonic Despair"

Great story, I like it. You're doing well with the characters and their emotions. Also looks like you've created some space for future character development.

I'll be waiting for the next chapter.

^_^ VERY promising start and well written!

True to the Eureka seven world's atmosphere!

Kudos!

Very well done! I like your solid flow of emotions among Renton and Eureka. I noticed one or two grammatical mistakes, which is very impressive.

It has a nice flow in the writing, so you're not throwing any one off. incredible, continue writing.

Good to see an other E7 fic up here man this one seems to be pretty good so far with your start. Looking forward to an update good luck man (also if you need a beta reader i can help you there)