Negative comments first: Some of the dialogue is stilted, vocalizing thoughts isn't always necessary, and I'm not a fan of first person fanfiction.

Good things!

For a first time lemon, it's not bad. You kind of did the reverse of what most first time lemon writers do.

You focused all of your efforts on the foreplay, on the build up that this was a horrible, horrible event. Those bits were done well, especially the fact that he didn't immediately think "I'm going to get raped." (Getting raped is not a male thought.)

And then the rape happened...and was kind of glossed over. Which is good, as far as FFNet's restrictions are concerned, but the actual act itself is as important as the build up.

As far as lemon content goes...

It's almost impossible to just thrust an erect ** of any size into an unprepared **. Especially that of a small kid. The muscles have to be relaxed, forcibly in this case, which means using fingers and a lubricant (probably spit in this case) to spread him for a minute or so before actually raping him.

Can't speak for personal knowledge of male/male sex, but most male/male lemons seem to play out like this:
1. Foreplay, removal of clothing.
2. Hand/Blow/Rim job. ** is up to the author, though it's best to choose no. During consensual sex, the top usually does this for the bottom. During noncon, the victim is typically forced to give head for a bit. (Which also provides a sort of lube.)
3. Place lube on fingers or have the bottom suck on the top's fingers for a moment. Insert one finger into anus.
4. Insert second finger. Begin scissoring motion.
5. Insert third finger (optional) Continue scissoring.
6. Buttsex
7. Artsy mutual come. Strangely, this will sometimes apply to rape, and part of the rapee's feelings of guilt come from the fact that they started to like it. (That is **. Not having him enjoy it is good.)
8. Limited mention is made of clean-up, and if the uke _didn't_ come with the top, the top is good enough to do so via mouth or hand. This step is skippable in a rape, though mentions of the fluid trickling out of his ** are used to fill the gap.
9. Fade to black.
10. ?
11. Profit

Sorry about 10 and 11. Had to. Anyway. I'm not criticizing your content, I'm just listing the order most people go in. That you didn't follow that order is good, though as I said, a little more focus on the actual sex would have been nice.

All in all, decent piece. More experience with lemon writing and reading would probably have helped, but this was a first time effort.

Good so far need some more! Please write more!

wow that was so sad. i feel so bad for Riku *crying in back round*
Omg for ur first time that was good. i Hrt lemons. keep on writing!

this is really good,LUV IT!!

XD :.

Very good. Please upload whenever you got the chance.

Yummy chapter! Usually it peeves me when people give them last names, but yours are really good and work realy well. Good chappy!

"Boo, you **!" Great line. My fav part of the movie. lol Great chapter hun. Take your time, don't rush. And if people have a problem with that, tell them to shove it up the a$$. XD Good luck with the next chapter.

This is a good chapter.
I really like the way the characters act and interact in this story. The plot is moving nicely.
I'm looking forward to the next update.

I saw your notice on your profile concerning my question. Thank you very much. :) I look forward to seeing everything you do with this story.

Is it Roxas?? *eyes the cookie eagerly*

I really like this story! I'm so glad I stumbled upon it!!

An interesting story. I was wondering if Sephiroth and Xenmas are going to show up again or if they were just for the first chapter? If you don't want to answer it in your story, you can maybe do it in your profile. I'll see it. I'm really curious, because there's so much that could be done with them. They could attack Riku again (now that he's older and even better looking) or perhaps Sora or Roxas. But it's up to you. I'm just wondering.

~SORA!!~ XD Yay! Drunk Riku... Hmm... How much fun I could have with that! -Fantasizing- Anyway! -SHakes head- Great chapter! Can't wait for the next one. Keep up the good work!

Aww, is it Sora? I can't wait! Yay! Great chapter...so sad! It makes me want to cry...WHEE! SUGAR RUSH, I LOVE YA! Anyhoo, keep itup, you're doin' awesome!