I'm dying to know where this goes next. I agree that you have to be careful on how you use your tenses, that's my only arguement. The rest is great!

I really like the development of your story and I have to day that entire convo between Manny and Craig is not only very well written, it's also very believable...update soon ! (why did you use bold?)

Again Teek, for a first time fanfic this is actually really good. Though I would have dropped the bolding for the actually chapter and saved it for emphasis on parts during the actual story. I love the description of why Craig didn't feel right sleeping with Manny. Because he felt more soully connected to Ashley even though he was attracted to Manny. It's a great realization.

I also love you didn't completely ignore Cranny, and didn't make it unlikable. But then again you know the difference between crazy shipper fans who write fanfiction and normal shipper fans who write fanfiction...

Between you and me the CRAZY Eman and Crellie shippers are driving me nuts on here...you can go two pages without atleast 89407258934 of them...

I really like it :-) the suspense is definitly there, I did not see the dream part coming...keep going !

Not bad for a first go Teek.

Great start. Lots of potential. :) What I enjoyed the most was that you rarely see Chris/Ash scenes. I always wondered about that relationship,and felt the show never really went deep into it. I hate Ali. lol. Update soon. :)

Good job, the fic defiantely has potential. One thing to keep in mind though, sometimes you switch between past and present tense, which is a common mistake(I do it all to often), so just double check/reread your piece before you submit it so you can catch those little mistakes. Nice job though.