Wow!
I find this so deeply depressing.

Yet very interesting at the same time.
My only problem is that everything seems to be moving so fast.
I mean, Roxas already wants Kairi to love him and like I said earlier, they arely know each other...

But otherwise, this is a very neat story.

Great Job!

Selphie is so awesome!
' I think it’s romantic, daydreaming about a boy you have a crush on '

What a way to bring up the guilt on Kairi.

The way Roxas & Kairi interacted with each other was just so sweet! It's as though they completely understand each other, when they barely even met.

:)

Oh wow!

A Roxiri...
in the cannon world!

Philosophy lessons?
I wish I had them...
Lucky people!

But then again, the way you wrote, it seems to be very, very, VERY boring...

:P

Great Job so far.

plz continue this is awesome :)

Yes, I'm still alive. Sorry for neglecting your fic for so long. x.x

Concrit:
- "...she was able to pick [out] something..."
-"...name [to] the presence..."
- "It frightened her but Kairi knew that face." -- In this paragraph you've accidentally switched to present tense. All the "she's" should be "she'd", etc.

One thing that actually bothered me here was the line, "Oh no, not now…" To be honest it's rather overused. I think if Kairi just uttered a weak little "Oh..." as she collapsed, or even if she thought "Not now" it would work better.

Interesting how Roxas is the warmth in Kairi's otherwise chilly life. Love how you give the impression that Kairi could be both pursuing or pursued -- she's searching for the "presence" but I feel like she's running away from her old life too. Like she's sick of taking a backseat and letting Sora have all the fun, heh. Also, I'm hoping you'll explore Roxas' "identity crisis" more because it is such a huge part of his character.

(And btw, I understand you're absorbed with ATLA and stuff at present so feel free to reject that staff invite if need be. The last thing I want is for you to feel obligated or that I'm gonna stop offering reviews for your work. As far as that goes, I'm afraid you're semi-stuck with me!)

- dawn seeker -

I love it! Make more soon!

-C.A.

Well, having sifted through your profile -- shoot me, I like to know a little about the author before I review -- I'm well-aware of your high standards regarding the fanfiction writing biz. I also nicked into your "scriptorium" and after initially being offended on the part of the hapless authors you were tearing apart, eventually your generous insults just began amusing me. So I think I'm a little less forgiving of nOObs now...!

Anyway, the point being that I'm going to do my best to give an honest review, even if some points appear nitpicky and trivial.

Concrit:
- "How does he know who Sora is?" - This line seems unnecessary given the one preceding it. The ambiguity of "How does he know *him*?" is both more interesting and sufficient enough to convey Kairi's thoughts.
- "That’s how people [came] up..."
- "[I] read page 1 twenty..."
- "She let her voice die as [she] started thinking," or "[Kairi] let her voice die as [she] started thinking." As it is now, it almost sounds as if "she" and Kairi are separate people.
- "...begging for her mind..." - You don't need "for" here.
- "Kairi sighed, sagg[ing] against them..." - (Though I suppose you could've written it this way for artistic purposes...)


I admire your dedication to creating a plausible Roxiri within canon. I don't need to tell you how refreshing it is to see a romance that isn't flourishing in the murky depths of a "Destiny High" AU.

It's also good to see everyone is so far looking IC -- even supporting characters, which too many authors seem to neglect. I especially loved Tidus snoozing during class. Your Quistis (for the brief moments Kairi was paying attention to her) was fittingly strict, too. By creating an engaging opening, you've got me interested in seeing what trail this plot will take.

(Oh, and on an end note: since you don't like non-authors dishing out criticism I'll let you know that I actually do write; my other penname is Aqua Phoenix1.)

- dawn seeker -

LOVED IT! wow.. so intense

This chapter was awesome too. lol, Tidus and his magical ways of using a spoon XD. This was really emotional, I love it. Roxiri is just so totally awesome. great great great job.
airica

Loved it! I REALLY hope sora's still asleep! is he? I think he is.I HOPE he is. He better be..or he'll take kairi from roxas! that's a nono!

Awesome chapter Shirozora-san! Two thumbs up! Four if you count my feet! I look forward for somemore Roxiri-ness in all of your stories :3!

I thought I should mention, since you wanted feed back, that when Kairi saw Roxas on the beach and she flashed back to what he'd said before, I had to re-read the section over again to understand what was going on, but I don't really think there's much you can do about that, -sweatdrop- maybe I'm a little more retarded in the morning than I thought.

Anyways, update when you have the time to.

Much love (and luck),

--Lily

well... I guess it is possible that he didn't join with Sora, but how would he get here and why is he wearing his organization outfit...? Maybe he went with Axel instead of the whole yelling his friends' names thing. *shrug* I guess I'll find out eventually... Don't take this the wrong way or as discouragement or something, but it seems like this story doesn't have as strong... backing as your other ones. The other stories seemed like something that could really happen, but for some reason this one seems a little fuzy to me... like maybe there isn't enough depth to it. I guess part of it is how strange it seems to me that she would obsess so much over Roxas... Still, the main reason a writer would have trouble with the beginning is that there's something really great ahead, so I'll be looking forward to updates. :D

Wow. This chapter was very good, and your words were very descriptive. Please Update!

Wow. That was great Shiro!! I loved it. Poor Kairi.
Airica

wow, I think you'll win the contest! This was good! I was thinking about making a fic based on kairi and roxas's connection too! But i wasn't sure..Anyway! Yeah you have to update this was totally awesome! And you're right, there are a lack of good kingdom hearts fics.