Reviews for What's Left of Me

Reviews For: What's Left of Me - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

dawn seeker 2007-03-11 ch 2,	abuseYes, I'm still alive. Sorry for neglecting your fic for so long. x.x Concrit: - "...she was able to pick [out] something..." -"...name [to] the presence..." - "It frightened her but Kairi knew that face." -- In this paragraph you've accidentally switched to present tense. All the "she's" should be "she'd", etc. One thing that actually bothered me here was the line, "Oh no, not now…" To be honest it's rather overused. I think if Kairi just uttered a weak little "Oh..." as she collapsed, or even if she thought "Not now" it would work better. Interesting how Roxas is the warmth in Kairi's otherwise chilly life. Love how you give the impression that Kairi could be both pursuing or pursued -- she's searching for the "presence" but I feel like she's running away from her old life too. Like she's sick of taking a backseat and letting Sora have all the fun, heh. Also, I'm hoping you'll explore Roxas' "identity crisis" more because it is such a huge part of his character. (And btw, I understand you're absorbed with ATLA and stuff at present so feel free to reject that staff invite if need be. The last thing I want is for you to feel obligated or that I'm gonna stop offering reviews for your work. As far as that goes, I'm afraid you're semi-stuck with me!) - dawn seeker -
Childhood Aspirations 2007-02-10 ch 3, anon.	abuseI love it! Make more soon! -C.A.
dawn seeker 2006-12-31 ch 1,	abuseWell, having sifted through your profile -- shoot me, I like to know a little about the author before I review -- I'm well-aware of your high standards regarding the fanfiction writing biz. I also nicked into your "scriptorium" and after initially being offended on the part of the hapless authors you were tearing apart, eventually your generous insults just began amusing me. So I think I'm a little less forgiving of nOObs now...! Anyway, the point being that I'm going to do my best to give an honest review, even if some points appear nitpicky and trivial. Concrit: - "How does he know who Sora is?" - This line seems unnecessary given the one preceding it. The ambiguity of "How does he know him?" is both more interesting and sufficient enough to convey Kairi's thoughts. - "That’s how people [came] up..." - "[I] read page 1 twenty..." - "She let her voice die as [she] started thinking," or "[Kairi] let her voice die as [she] started thinking." As it is now, it almost sounds as if "she" and Kairi are separate people. - "...begging for her mind..." - You don't need "for" here. - "Kairi sighed, sagg[ing] against them..." - (Though I suppose you could've written it this way for artistic purposes...) I admire your dedication to creating a plausible Roxiri within canon. I don't need to tell you how refreshing it is to see a romance that isn't flourishing in the murky depths of a "Destiny High" AU. It's also good to see everyone is so far looking IC -- even supporting characters, which too many authors seem to neglect. I especially loved Tidus snoozing during class. Your Quistis (for the brief moments Kairi was paying attention to her) was fittingly strict, too. By creating an engaging opening, you've got me interested in seeing what trail this plot will take. (Oh, and on an end note: since you don't like non-authors dishing out criticism I'll let you know that I actually do write; my other penname is Aqua Phoenix1.) - dawn seeker -
kaitou angel 2006-12-28 ch 3,	abuseLOVED IT! wow.. so intense
Airica Adriene 2006-12-17 ch 2,	abuseThis chapter was awesome too. lol, Tidus and his magical ways of using a spoon XD. This was really emotional, I love it. Roxiri is just so totally awesome. great great great job. airica
kaitou angel 2006-12-16 ch 2,	abuseLoved it! I REALLY hope sora's still asleep! is he? I think he is.I HOPE he is. He better be..or he'll take kairi from roxas! that's a nono!
lily-the-fox 2006-12-16 ch 2,	abuseAwesome chapter Shirozora-san! Two thumbs up! Four if you count my feet! I look forward for somemore Roxiri-ness in all of your stories :3! I thought I should mention, since you wanted feed back, that when Kairi saw Roxas on the beach and she flashed back to what he'd said before, I had to re-read the section over again to understand what was going on, but I don't really think there's much you can do about that, -sweatdrop- maybe I'm a little more retarded in the morning than I thought. Anyways, update when you have the time to. Much love (and luck), --Lily
The Fuzy Llama 2006-12-16 ch 2,	abusewell... I guess it is possible that he didn't join with Sora, but how would he get here and why is he wearing his organization outfit...? Maybe he went with Axel instead of the whole yelling his friends' names thing. shrug I guess I'll find out eventually... Don't take this the wrong way or as discouragement or something, but it seems like this story doesn't have as strong... backing as your other ones. The other stories seemed like something that could really happen, but for some reason this one seems a little fuzy to me... like maybe there isn't enough depth to it. I guess part of it is how strange it seems to me that she would obsess so much over Roxas... Still, the main reason a writer would have trouble with the beginning is that there's something really great ahead, so I'll be looking forward to updates. :D
Crazydrawinggirl 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abuseWow. This chapter was very good, and your words were very descriptive. Please Update!
Airica Adriene 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abuseWow. That was great Shiro!! I loved it. Poor Kairi. Airica
kaitou angel 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abusewow, I think you'll win the contest! This was good! I was thinking about making a fic based on kairi and roxas's connection too! But i wasn't sure..Anyway! Yeah you have to update this was totally awesome! And you're right, there are a lack of good kingdom hearts fics.
Sumomo92 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abuseMore!! I love this story! Your doing great with your stories!!^^
lily-the-fox 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abuseo.o Wow...all I have to say is 'wow' Shirozora-san! This story's started out amazingly! I've always wondered "what happened to Kairi after she and Roxas met?" And now you're bringing it to life! :3 I can't wait for the next update on this! -will be watching and waiting patiently- --Lily
Unpersonified 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abuseMarvellously intriguing, Shirozora, just like everything else you’ve written. Another in-game storyline, huh? A dangerous if potentially rewarding track of fanfic that I’ve never considered, but you’ll pull it off – splendidly, as always. You’ve depicted Kairi’s curiosity in Roxas in perfect innocence and naturalness – not just some random and unprompted spark of interest. Very believable. Anyway, what can I say? I’m interested. ~ UP
Snikiii 2006-12-08 ch 1, anon.	abuseO_o ... d00d

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