This was very impressive. Excellent use of narrative and description. Easily one of my favorite short-to-middle length stories on the site.

"And again there are more suprises." You have a talent for introducing Orignial characters and making them seem to fit right into the world of your story's as if they had been there all along; my thinking has drawn me to the conclusion, that it is because your story's focus is not background resticted to a specific town, city, universe (per say) but more to a world wide unviversal storyline POV and pallet. You can creat characters right into the TT univers without resticting yourself to a set story timeline or character profiled course.

Wonderful story, again, I am wondering where this is all leading, and correct me if I am wrong, but this looked to me like you just incorperated in the storyline cross over of Avitar into this whole thing. (If this story is a crossover of any kind (other then in mention of elemental elements of fantisy) I would suggest you make that quite clear in the summary/title stats profile.)

I am liking this story, but another FYI. If this was anyone other then me or a die hard (reader for not reading but for instuction and learning through read/review stages) normal fans would be about now threatening "get to the point and smooth this story out or else!"

I appreciate your talent and truely enjoy story content that drages on, twisting with character ins and outs (weaving a smooth) almost opera like play to the storyline. But this is FF and most readers don't acutally fall into the catagory of PATIENT.

Looking forward to reading more and I'm courious what you have both plans wise and intention's toward; with regard Slade's character, he has turned out to be a dangerous gamble for authors now days. With expectations high toward the Slade Robin slash fanatisisum around here and the Apprentice storylane, I think you should be quite clear (and UP FRONT) what his role in this story will be.

Later, dlsky

(PS. That forfills my promise to you. From here on I will continue to read, but my reviews will only come if you need to converse with me directly in asking or advise. I'm currently about to take on a teetering tower of uncertin writing to finish up my own LARGE storyl; that desperatly needs to be done, delecatly and with percision and I DO NOT want to give myself any excuse for distraction or even blatent dismissal of what I knew months back needed and should have been completed. So I will talk and converse with you later but I belive you to be well coursed and capable of finishing this tale with great sucess. Just keep in mind reader expectations and demands. 0

This was a very enlightening chapter; not just in the storyline but also in the mind of its writer, to discover you had used a story within a story to tie in and share with the readers all the events leading up to Elm's introduction to the Titans. Particulary Raven, who I can only assume being a powerful demon/telepath is the bridge to help with communicating with Elm's mother and himself. I see far reaching future possiblitlies with this tactic. A storyline of Vampire's and events spoken of in the journel point of Elm, (see) a nice hint of forshadowing future revelation towards and understanding and wrap up of Elm's potential and course. A elemental! Nice. A very well thought out storyline, great talent being shown here, and like I said endless possiblities for options.

Just remember it only stays all together by planning and self restraining disaplin.

I am interested in seeing now if you take the road more traveled and share with us the immediate storyline now, or do you still yet have other supprises and roads of possiblity to share with us?

dlsky

This chapter's action was smooth. Visually suggestive in such a way that I held a clear pitcure of what was taking place all the way through and to the end of it without that start and stop pace transitioning between characters often does. It helped that they were working as a team group practice effort so that made the ease of writing this sequence I'm sure, but I'm sure if you were transending between characters on opposit sides of the world it would have been equally well discribed and done.

Nice chapter, and a very nice ending as well. I like those lead intro future prepare your reader points your Elm journel keeps pointing out to us as the readers read them. Thanks again, good job and nice work.

PS. I did also read your top note about Tsukikage1213 and Splint, and I'd have to say that even if you do bring readers refrence to them and their works. A lot of their story Fictions are not TT so those in this Genra character field might not find intrest in that. Notes of refrence like this should be related to the field or to specific fics you stumble upon or are poiting out. Otherwise why not try posting your observations on a Forum of some kind or the FF community forums.

Onward and for Coke a Cola...

This chapter held much intrest and puzzlement for me as I read it. There was a smoothness to this chapter that almost seemed unatural and yet I; have had the experiance and insight to appreciate how skilled you are, at, with what you've accomplished here. Making it a part of the journey; the mystery, and esspecially that sequence where the villian and his reporting female were talking.

Reading that gave me no demanding desire to find out or know who those characters were right then or there; or are, because I knew, simply because of the way it was presented, that over the course of time everything would be revealed. Your earlier chapters and writing style made that very clear, and it set in motion the readers garentee that they would get what they desired.

Up until this point; the presentation (I don't belive it would have been as sucessfull without having already set the readers into the pattern and offered them that reassurance that you are an author of genuin integredy) and onw who does not lack the understanding that some of your fellow authors do, that readers desire from knowledge and insight yet don't want it just handed all to them in the introduction. They like to work for it.

That like them you too want details, but again too, are willing to wait for them if the information obtained is throughout the storyline, the single chapters even. It's satisfying and holds promis of more to come.

The Journel entries at the bottom of each chapter are symbolic of that, silently giving them your pledge and sharing with them your passion and imaginations (2D world side multi facit; angled view)offering your readers all of that.

It all contains questions left unanswered for the readers mind to mull over and break down, but without the frustration and burdened hardness creaping in along with it. Knowing that the next two chapters still yet to come will undoubtedly hold the answers they seek.

I like how the paragraphs are sperated both in style and in reason of format, but without what is often found when a less artistic writer dose it; attempts this smooth (yet complicated) method of story telling, tending to repeat themselves over and over again. Each of your single points in each and every diffrent set or facet does not allow for that, instead all the diffrent shards add up and complete the whole pitcure.

What one leves out the other angle builds on, and together they present a clear, persise, understanding.

So here's to you; I raise up my glass of water, and with a pleasent smile, I would like to thank you for a job well done and an effort much appreciated. dlsky

PS. I'm now courious as to what it's all building up to; I mean where's it all going, when I finally (or should I say "You finally") reach that area in the story where introductions have passed and all that is left is that rising first climax. Finally able to see the true purpose Elm's character is needed and how the journey this far; bring Elm to that point and time, his life weaving in and out of those other's around him. Enteracting but yet there still being something he may yet still fail when challenged; face to face with, I just might be then needing to find out how this particular superheroes journey will push him further?

Knowing where it is he has come from but feeling completly wraped up in this Elm characters mission and ever possible, ever expanding future. I'm really begining to get comfertable; a secret, yet subtle longing to ride this story threw to the end with you. I think for those others; who like I said before, find it not a percieved or expected true Teen Titans storyline, but who find no objection or lack of intrest simply on the grounds of being nitpicky and un openminded, I think you will find a great many readers actually sitting down and enjoying this storyline along with the many billians they group together and spend their free time reading.

A nice chapter, it's almost typical yet most unused (logical as it would seem to me to be) but most authors tend to introduce a new character entering into Jump City as one knowing instantly how to meet up with the Teen Titans and how to get (that in) with them; becoming team members, before you can pose the possibility that "wouldn't it be more likely a new traveler to a city would seek out food, shelter, and establish their bearings, before seeking out the titans. Perhaps even observing them before approaching them and introducing themselves?"

I think the emotional fear, the lack of confidence and experience and new Hero might harbor thoughts of awe and reverie; almost equivalent to meeting a movie star or the President of a country. So your chapter where Elm meets the Hive five first is by far a more true to moment event then most authors share. (Perhaps most skipping threw the more unstable moments of the journey to favor the outcome and end results of that said search and many blunders before hooking up with our group of your heroes.) I suppose that was what made Terra so appealing as a character introduced into the storylines, her struggle’s and faults in the journey. But even those authors did not give it enough exploration and storyline coment-ation.

Overall I really enjoyed this chapter and the last one, they both were a smooth transition but leaving the reader asking how are these pieces fitting; coming upon the end of chapter four and finding out, with a since of (almost author-istic teasing) that brought a smile for clever mischievousness when finally realizing hour the author (your brain) works. AND...seeing as how it is the fourth chapter; rule # 3 in writing, make sure that by chapter four you have your audience hooked, settled into the story and knowing what course they can foresee the next upcoming events leading them towards, I would have to say you have mastered that and established it quite nicely.

A well done, planned out, executed, and shared piece of fiction. Thanks for sharing; although I have begun to wonder if the category was fitting, I know an author would wish for a good demographic and in the jurisdiction of publication and bookstores that little trick you've pulled off here might not hold any repercussions, but I've found the fans and writers of Fan Fiction holding their own set of rules, laws, and trials against what one can and can not do. This might just be one of those moves where it turns out to bite you later on. My first thought was how many people will simply pass you by because they just plain don't think this story is (in the blatant look; which is what most quick sprint searching fans look for, or might be interested but after reaching this point shrug it off and file the story away. Wishing to read it yet saying it's not a TT true story but simply an off shoot, and never really give you the true attention to it that this story deserves. Simply on the bases of "what was thought and expected didn't quite turn out the way they wanted it too."

Just food for thought, I have no solution or advice for this FYI but I felt the need to point this out to you none the less. After all isn't that what a true deep overlook and review of this magnitude should point out.

Now moving on...let's see what the remainder has to offer, or if I find it in need of deep review. dlsky

Several points about this chapter...
1. I liked the smooth transition and conversation between Elm and Alex, the hero saves innocent and instantly get's thanks, happy feelings and trust has always bothered me, I think your version would have been more conducive to what most human beings would do in a situation like that, not to mention the humility and lack of confident display (bold eyes and stance most writers give newby heroes) would most likely not be accurate. Your version is a nice change to see.
2nd. That first paragraph..(Quote)"It wasn’t long before they reached her house." Was also a nice read, although I did find the sentence about the jingle of the keys a tad distracting when the coma disrupted the "and at the door as incerted once she found the key" that seemed to me to be at first not a nessicary point to bring out but when I re read it over again trying to find a diffrent method to share it or even omit it altogher and move on to the "She turned the key until there was an audible click" I couldn't come up with a better way or convince myself it wasn't needed in the stucture of the paragraph. (But take note) there is something off with that sentence and it does need to be fixed. It distracts and haults the flow to a very good (inroad) and enjoyable flowing read.
3rd. I liked the nice intro about the Teen Titans (a fine way to introduce characteristics and details that later on (in the acutal presence of those characters) the reader will not need the main characters interpritation or detail sight discriptions for and about them.) It's a smartly planned out way to cut corners and save both yourself and the readers time in the future in progressive flow storyline. (well done!)

Overall I thought this chapter was a nice one. I have esspecially begun to enojoy the ending points of journel sight POV for past hapensances to Elm and his mother. An clever angsty panic provoking warning there at the end. "We had no idea…" (good job again.

And side note reply to your PM review reply...I'm not as busy these days as I am without control of my own life. I'm actually quite appauled at myself for not having done this sooner. There is no excuses for agreeing to something and making someone wait this long when I've been in an abundence of free time. So no, don't simply shrug this one off and let me get away with it, because it might be nice but I myself will not be as lenent with agreeing as you might in polite responce. (thanks though) dlsky

Great Update.

I just love some of your metaphors. The one about the sun, I found rather clever. Slade is back to. Curios about what he's doing in China and who he's dealing with. I also noticed a few "Avatar" references. Can't wait to know what that's all about.

Update when you can.

Yeah I did that biblical reference, very nicely put. I especially liekd Elm's question for Raven. Before anything was said by anyone he asked her if she believed. I found that to be quite a profound way to start thier relationship. Excellent! This might be nothing but I'm sensing a possiple future conflict between Elm and See-More. It's clear he has feelings for Jinx and is angered that Elm captured her attention before he could. I might be a little picky but Gladio very rarely speaks in English. To him, he feels that he is a patron of the ways of ancient Rome and has an almost romantic fondness for its culture. Thus he speaks usually in Latin, something that Slade understands and speaks fluently. But this is your story so do what you will.
Oh and that last message you sent me about the locations and what not; was it helpful? I never got a reply back from you so I assumed that you got everything you needed. But it never hurts to double check. Again, great update. Looking forward to more. Laters!

ThSamurai ->-

Hey, it's fine. At least you updated, that's all that matters. I don't care if my character makes an atuall appearence in the next few chapters. I just want you to update.
Instaed of a slap, I'll... throw a rock at you! *Throws one* I didn't hurt you to badly, right?
Update in the next ten years!
~*Tsukikage1213*~

Ah! The plot thickens! It was a great chapter with great action. The story has everything- vampires, werewolves, interesting characters, action, and of course the Teen Titans. It's great.

Wow...so werewolves and vampires are involved now, huh? And the first failed mission of the Titans...well that takes away a little "Deus ex Machina" they seemed to have. Anyway, great chapter! I'll be waiting for the next one.

Speaking of updates, "Darkness In Jump City" has been updated, and "The Ultimate Alliances" has been updated twice. Remember to review each chapter individually...(and be prepared for a big surprise to appear at the end of the newest one)

Until our next contact! See ya!

This story kinda reminds me of Underworld.

Nice update. The fight sences were fantastic and I like the way the plot thinkes. Is Elm finally gonna notice that the HIVE are villains? And what's with Raven and her familiarity with him?

Update soon!

*Dies at your awesomness* *Magically revives*
This... is the... end? I thought Shan was gonna appear... did she? I don't know. I don't know much these days.
Once again, I love your work. Your action sequences rocked, and your decription really painted a real picture. Well done!
Even if this is the ending, it's a very nice ending. But it does leave with a few questions.

Later!
Tsukikage1213

P.S: I've updated one of my stories. Check it out when you can!

So is this the end of this story? If it is it sure does leave one to wonder what will happen to Elm in his later days. But even if its not the end that sure was a good chapter. There was action around pretty much every corner, whether it was real or in a dreamstate. Yes...I am satisfired lol. Great chapter and if its the end great story. Laters!

ThSamurai ->-